“I love the Lord, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live. The snares of death encompassed me; the pangs of Sheol laid hold on me; I suffered distress and anguish. Then I called on the name of the Lord: ‘O Lord, I pray, deliver my soul!’ Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; our God is merciful. The Lord preserves the simple; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return, O my soul, to your rest; for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling; I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living.”
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”
Despite all the ups and downs of marriage, family and life, I have always felt so secure, trusting my husband then as I still do now. It was such a shock when he seemingly and simply just walked away from our marriage and family. I spent months and months, and months in a daze.
I was working in the Deans Office at the university. We were only weeks away from our wedding date. An older woman working with me suggested I have a secret financial nest egg, should the need arise. I remember thinking, I don’t think so. My mother and my grandmothers had not done so, and neither would I. Besides, this young man who held my heart, was simply not the type.
While, at the time of my husband’s leaving, I had not heard about standing for marriage, I just knew I needed to remain committed to our marriage and family. I had no idea the process or the time frame. My brother-in-law asked me if I really thought my husband would come home. I responded most definitely, but it would take time.
As children we tend to wish to quickly grow up, to be unaware of all that is required in order to develop into a responsible adult with solid character traits. We innocently count the days until Christmas as if pushing time were possible. Time becomes an issue to us. God doesn’t require time, yet with our impatience we tend to think time is the problem, never realizing it is us and not God, slowing the process.
Whenever a couple has marital issues, one spouse tends to selfishly believe the other spouse is the problem. The other spouse is the one who needs fixing. We simply cannot see our need to change. We pridefully tend to think we have God’s permission to manipulate our spouse, never considering how we too, are not as we should be. It’s not about getting even, revenge, fixing them or proving I’m right and you are wrong.
We simply cannot see how God wants to work on us first, cleansing our hearts of all selfish nonsense. Standing is not about fixing your spouse. Standing is first and foremost about an intimate, up close and personal relationship with God. It is then and only then, as we come to realize just how much love, grace, and forgiveness He has for us, that we too, can offer our better half the same love, grace, and forgiveness.
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“Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again” Matthew 7:1-2 (KJV).
“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye” Matthew 7:3-5 (KJV).
Family Photos: “Mr & Mrs”
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“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load.”
“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”
“Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.
“But if you are guided (led) by the [Holy] Spirit, you are not subject to the Law.
But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness, Gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraint, continence). Against such things there is no law [that can bring a charge].
And those who belong to Christ Jesus (the Messiah) have crucified the flesh (the godless human nature) with its passions and appetites and desires.
If we live by the [Holy] Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. [If by the Holy Spirit we have our life in God, let us go forward walking in line, our conduct controlled by the Spirit.]”
~~~Galatians 5:18, 22-25~~~
~~~(Classic Edition, Amplified Bible)~~~
“My Guys & Uncle Stanley”
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Standing for marriage can often be a very misunderstood concept, especially by those closest to the stander,…and especially by the stander’s wayward spouse. Take heart. It’s okay.
“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”
~~~Malachi 2:16 (ESV)~~~
Bob Steinkamp knew first hand what it meant to be considered a wayward or prodigal spouse. After years of marriage cloud covered by Bob’s unfaithfulness, camouflaged by his anger, Charlyne took counsel and divorced her husband and father of their three children. Only by the grace of God did she very quickly come to repent of her mistake. Yes, mistake.
“…with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
~~~Ephesians 4:2-3 (ESV)~~~
Rejoice Marriage Ministries was birthed from Bob & Charlyne’s marital chaos which thankfully resulted in their remarrying and rediscovering what marriage is truly all about.
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.”
“Give thanks unto the Lord, call upon his name, make known his deeds among the people. Sing unto him, sing psalms unto him, talk ye of all his wondrous works. Glory ye in his holy name: let the heart of them rejoice that seek the Lord. Seek the Lord and his strength, seek his face continually. Remember his marvellous works that he hath done, his wonders, and the judgments of his mouth; O ye seed of Israel his servant, ye children of Jacob, his chosen ones.”
~~~1 Chronicles 16:8-13 (KJV)~~~
“He is the Lord our God; his judgments are in all the earth. Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations; Even of the covenant which he made with Abraham, and of his oath unto Isaac; And hath confirmed the same to Jacob for a law, and to Israel for an everlasting covenant, Saying, Unto thee will I give the land of Canaan, the lot of your inheritance; When ye were but few, even a few, and strangers in it. And when they went from nation to nation, and from one kingdom to another people; He suffered no man to do them wrong: yea, he reproved kings for their sakes, Saying, Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm.”
~~~1 Chronicles 16:14-22 (KJV)~~~
“Sing unto the Lord, all the earth; shew forth from day to day his salvation. Declare his glory among the heathen; his marvellous works among all nations. For great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised: he also is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the people are idols: but the Lord made the heavens. Glory and honour are in his presence; strength and gladness are in his place.”
~~~1 Chronicles 16:23-27 (KJV)~~~
“Give unto the Lord, ye kindreds of the people, give unto the Lord glory and strength. Give unto the Lord the glory due unto his name: bring an offering, and come before him: worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness. Fear before him, all the earth: the world also shall be stable, that it be not moved. Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice: and let men say among the nations, The Lord reigneth. Let the sea roar, and the fulness thereof: let the fields rejoice, and all that is therein. Then shall the trees of the wood sing out at the presence of the Lord, because he cometh to judge the earth. O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good; for his mercy endureth for ever.”
~~~1 Chronicles 16:28-34 (KJV)~~~
“And say ye, Save us, O God of our salvation, and gather us together, and deliver us from the heathen, that we may give thanks to thy holy name, and glory in thy praise. Blessed be the Lord God of Israel for ever and ever. And all the people said, Amen, and praised the Lord.”
“He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned” Mark 16:16 (KJV).
While I was saved and baptized as a young teenager and loved the Lord, I was just busy getting on with my life, dreaming of the future, college, marriage and family,…I read my Bible, I attended church, prayed and naturally wove the topic of my faith into my conversations and life choices, I truly did believe, but…
“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” Ephesians 6:4 (KJV).
During the summer after high school graduation I worked at the little local Carnegie Library. At noon I would walk a couple doors down and eat lunch with my grandparents. Thankfully they always made a point to challenge my thinking. This particular day I had made a bold statement about having my own faith and convictions. I remember his smile and her chuckle. And then my grandmother explaining how I had been living my parents’ faith and convictions. How, now entering the adult world and especially that of going away to college, my faith and convictions would be tested as I developed my own.
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” Proverbs 22:6 (KJV).
Leaving our little “Mayberry” and entering the world of academia, my college educated and God loving grandmother was obviously correct. It wasn’t that I doubted her and of course, I definitely trusted her, it was that I just didn’t have a clue, as she herself knew, and as I was beginning to understand.
“Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded” James 4:8 (KJV).
As I initially felt engulfed by all that this new world had to offer, I stayed true to my parents’ faith and convictions. I felt engulfed because I had left the protected and safe world where I honestly had never really dealt with dishonesty, where all the adults could be trusted and truly did care about my well being. While I would end up having college professors who were Christians, I also experienced like a deer in the headlights, professors who introduced me to a very foreign way of thinking. One atheist professor’s agenda was to destroy my faith in God. Yes, I was a (naive) Josh Wheaton being angrily challenged by my own Professor Radisson.
“Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee” Deuteronomy 31:6 (KJV).
Did I waffle? Yes. Did I doubt my faith in God? No, but I did waffle a bit. How? I did question my wholesome upbringing by becoming curious about decisions my college friends were making, seemingly oblivious to the consequences for their actions. I mean, I was an adult now. Wasn’t I mature enough and wise enough to dabble in some of the same choices as my free-er thinking college friends?
“Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever” 1 John 2:15-17 (KJV).
I did feel a mixture of emotions, guilt, shame, even regret for some of my own choices. I couldn’t understand what the difference was between others and their choices and me and my choices. How did they seem to not bear the weight of their own choices? Why weren’t they losing sleep and losing themselves?
“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit” Romans 8:1 (KJV).
It would be years of feeling guilt, regret, self-condemnation and shame as I felt the burden of carrying the responsibility of my poor decisions. I just couldn’t seem to give myself grace. Did I doubt what Jesus had done for me?
“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” Romans 5:8 (KJV).
I remember the moment the truth became crystal clear. It was not that I had abandoned my faith during my college days, despite for what I felt condemnation. I was wrong! It was not condemnation, but conviction I felt!! God had never left me, He had been there with me all along. He had gently whispered into my ears the truth, guiding it down into my heart. Freedom is a wonderful thing. I am loved by Him for who I am and not my poor choices. I am loved by Him because I am me.
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” Matthew 11:28 (ESV).
