Listening to “Conversations With John & Lisa Bevere” as they discuss the topic of “Building a Marriage That Lasts (part 1)”, is well suited for any couple who desires to have a loving, fulfilling, enriching,… and long-term relationship. This particular podcast includes John & Lisa answering questions concerning such topics as prenuptial agreements and who should lead and when.
Standing for marriage as I am honored and blessed by God to be called to do, I have come to realize just how much finger pointing I was guilty of and how often I should have been pointing my finger at myself and not at my wonderful husband. For this I have and will continue to ask forgiveness.
“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?”
~~~Matthew 7:3 (KJV)~~~
“…marriage is precious to God. He is the one that authored it. And He said He is the author and finisher of our faith. Don’t give up because nothing is impossible with God. I don’t care how hopeless your situation seems, through prayer, through crying out to God, through reading His Word, anything, anything can be mended and not only mended, but made stronger than it’s ever been before” John Bevere.
“Either make the tree good, and his fruit good; or else make the tree corrupt, and his fruit corrupt: for the tree is known by his fruit. O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.”
“Your sins were forgiven when you got born again. God is not holding your sins against you. The only thing that is holding up the answer to your prayer is our unbelief because we feel so unworthy. We are empowering the devil. We are allowing our conscience to condemn us. And we don’t have the confidence and the courage and the authority that God has bought for us through Jesus. And we are approaching Him like a lost man that doesn’t have a savior.
We pray in the name of Jesus, but the truth is we actually believe that it’s going to be according to our goodness. And so all somebody’s got to do is say ‘Hey, you’ve committed sin. You haven’t studied the Word the way that you should. What makes you think you’re worthy?’ And all of a sudden your total confidence just crumbles because your faith wasn’t in God, it was in you.
If you pray and use the name of Jesus properly, what you’re saying is ‘Father, not because of who I am, but in Jesus’ name. I expect to receive because of Jesus’. You know the scripture says ‘Agree with your adversary quickly while you’re in the way.’ And there’s multiple ways of applying that, but one of the ways I apply it is when the devil comes and says ‘you aren’t worthy. What makes you think God would use you?’
Instead of me trying to justify myself and say ‘wait a minute, I’ve studied the Word more than I ever have, I’ve been praying, I’ve studied, I’ve fasted, I…’ The moment you start justifying yourself and trying to make yourself worthy, Satan has won because you may be better than you were, you might be better than I am, but you have come short of the glory of God and you do not deserve any answers to prayer based on your goodness.
The right way to respond is when your enemy comes and condemns you, agree with your adversary and say ‘you know what, you’re right. I don’t deserve anything. I think I’ll pray in the nameof Jesus. And I’ll get it through who Jesus is. I’ll get it on the basis of His righteousness. I’m standing holy not because I am holy in myself, but because I am born again righteous and holy’.
See that’s using the name of Jesus properly, but if you say ‘in the name of Jesus’ but you’re saying ‘God, I’m worthy, God, I’ve prayed, I’ve done more than ever before, now will You move?’ You have just used the name of Jesus in vain. You aren’t trusting in Jesus, you’re trusting in yourself and you’re taking the name of Jesus in vain” Andrew Wommack.
“Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands. Serve the Lord with gladness: come before his presence with singing. Know ye that the Lord he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name. For the Lord is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations”.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”
“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”
“The Lord bywisdom founded the earth;     by understanding he established the heavens; by his knowledge the deeps broke open,     and the clouds drop down the dew.”
Ultimately, just as the stander learns, the returning prodigal spouse comes to realize just what unconditional love is truly all about. Bob Steinkamp of Rejoice Marriage Ministries wrote of his attempts to “push her buttons”, that of his standing wife, Charlyne, in an attempt to provoke her to lash out at him. Was she really changing her ways? Or were these changes in her character simply more of her manipulative methods that Bob could use to justify his own selfish behaviors. In reality he was testing the waters to see if Charlyne truly had had the heart change he was beginning to notice.
To better understand a spouse who leaves the marriage, it has become common to compare them with the story of the prodigal son found in Luke 15:11-24 (GNV):
“He said moreover, A certain man had two sons, And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of the goods that falleth to me. So he divided unto them his substance. So not many days after, when the younger son had gathered all together, he took his journey into a far country, and there he wasted his goods with riotous living.
Now when he had spent all, there arose a great dearth throughout that land, and he began to be in necessity. Then he went and clave to a citizen of that country, and he sent him to his farm, to feed swine. And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine ate: but no man gave them him.
Then he came to himself, and said, How many hired servants at my father’s have bread enough, and I die for hunger? I will rise and go to my father, and say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thine hired servants.
So he arose and came to his father, and when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.
Then the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet, And bring the fat calf, and kill him, and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again: and he was lost, but he is found. And they began to be merry.”
If I remember correctly it was also Bob who spoke of the “Three C’s” of transformation evident in a prodigal spouse as they make their way back home. He explained the “Three C’s” of transformation were first that of being critical, followed by curious, and lastly that of being convicted.
Interestingly enough, the stander must first experience their own heartfelt and transformative stages as well. This is how unconditional love opens the door, welcoming home the prodigal spouse. This is how unconditional love changes everything.
“Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?
‘My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.’
It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”
~~~James 1:5-8 (ESV)~~~
“The Wise Thinker” by Deb E
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