Anger

“Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound.’ But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’ And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.’”

~~~Luke 15:25-32 (ESV)~~~

“If the elder son had shown love, he would have been both a wonderful son and a wonderful brother. But he got angry, felt more important, and he didn’t show any love and that’s why we don’t ever remember how good of a son he really was. Love is the right thing to do. If it feels wrong, it’s usually just because our flesh wants to be more important, like was the case with the elder son. The flesh is prideful and self-serving. It wants to take instead of give and it wants all the credit all the time. It is greedy and never satisfied. But, when we sow to the spirit and put our faith in God, we don’t live according to the flesh. When we live by the spirit, we understand that God loves us and is going to take care of us regardless of what others around us do. That’s when our faith in God calms our flesh to the point that we don’t feel the need to cut others down in order to lift ourselves up. That faith in God literally helps us to show love.” Excerpt taken from “DISTORTION: The Vanity of Genetically Altered Christianity” by Jesse Duplantis.

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Blessings!

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JUST A SIP

As Her Mouth Goes, so Goes the Marriage

July 29, 2021July 29, 2021 taylorjamesalbert

Charlyne Steinkamp “Women, do you respect your husband? Men are to love their wives as their own bodies . A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. Ephesians 5:31 When I started disrespecting Bob because of his actions, behaviors, and words, I allowed the enemy to come into our home and pour self-righteousness, bitterness, and anger into my heart”.

“Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, That He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that she might be holy and faultless]. Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, Because we are members (parts) of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is very great, but I speak concerning [the relation of] Christ and the church. However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].”

~~~Ephesians 5:22-33 (AMPC)~~~

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Blessings!

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MARRIAGE STANDING

Selfish, Emotional, Nonsensical Crazy-Making, Yep! It Surprised Me, Too!

February 25, 2021February 25, 2021 taylorjamesalbert

When a couple goes through marital issues, poor decisions are often made, strike that, poor decisions are always made. While I did not divorce my husband, my crazy-making, in word and deed, led my amazing husband to want to run away from home, far, far away. I get it, yes,…now I get it. We have both apologized to each other and to our precious son, and healing is slowly but surely happening.

“It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house” Proverbs 21:9 (KJV).

Once I let go of my selfish, bitter, revengeful, angry, blaming, prideful,…pity me and poor me attitudes, I was finally able to love my husband in a deeper way, allowing me to see him as a tender, hurting, and severely damaged soul. You see, we fell head over heels in love way back, well I recorded in my journal that I had met the man of my dreams, was in love, and yes, ready to marry my future husband back on January 17th of 1982. It’s seems like just yesterday. I still feel the joy, excitement, and yes, the love.

What’s so difficult when it comes to marital issues is that it always looks like your better half has all the problems. Your emotions get the best of you causing you to begin seeing them as selfish and so, let the games begin. Funny, truth be told, you, yourself, are being selfish.

No, I’m not going to discount your or my spouse’s part to play in all of this nonsense, just pointing out how it wasn’t just my husband, but Moi as well who needed to get my head examined, my eyes check, and my heart cleansed of all selfishness.

“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (KJV).

We absolutely must stay on guard, watching out for those moments when we find ourselves thinking more about ourselves than about the relationship, the marriage. Marriage is about two people coming together, two people who have vowed to forsake all others and to commit to the bond, the unity created before God and family.

“And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand” Matthew 12:25 (KJV).

I can still hear that still small voice whispering in my ear of how a house divided cannot stand. Of course I couldn’t see how I was creating division in our marriage by becoming selfish. What I convinced myself of was how I was doing everything I possibly could to prevent such a division from occurring. I was on a mission, a mission commissioned by God no less. Crazy huh? This is how selfishness works and ultimately how selfishness causes us to lose every single time.

Thank God He does not quit on us. Thank God He is a God who forgives, forgets, heals and restores. I like to say God is a God of second-second chances. And for this I will forever be grateful.

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Blessings!

MARRIAGE STANDING

Confusion: Hating Your Spouse…Not!

January 23, 2021January 23, 2021 taylorjamesalbert

Standing for marriage can often be a very misunderstood concept, especially by those closest to the stander,…and especially by the stander’s wayward spouse. Take heart. It’s okay.

“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

~~~Malachi 2:16 (ESV)~~~

Bob Steinkamp knew first hand what it meant to be considered a wayward or prodigal spouse. After years of marriage cloud covered by Bob’s unfaithfulness, camouflaged by his anger, Charlyne took counsel and divorced her husband and father of their three children. Only by the grace of God did she very quickly come to repent of her mistake. Yes, mistake.

“…with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

~~~Ephesians 4:2-3 (ESV)~~~

Rejoice Marriage Ministries was birthed from Bob & Charlyne’s marital chaos which thankfully resulted in their remarrying and rediscovering what marriage is truly all about.

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.”

~~~1 Corinthians 13:4-6 (ESV)~~~

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BOOK REVIEWS, INSPIRATIONAL

We Each Have a Story: Karen Evans’ “From Pain To Paradise: The Story of How God Transformed My Life & Marriage from Brokenness to Blessing”

May 13, 2020June 3, 2020 taylorjamesalbert

We each have a story to tell. Retelling our own story offers others hope as it gently reminds us of not just how far we’ve come, but of the grace of God for His gentle and continued guidance throughout our journey. And, as is often the case, our story is not just about us and us alone.

“From Pain to Paradise: The Story of How God Transformed My Life & Marriage from Brokenness to Blessing ” is Karen Evans’ story of healing, not just of her own identity but that of her marriage as well. Falling in love with the man of her dreams also meant she would be taking on his own well hidden identity issues. And so throughout her retelling, she weaves aspects of her husband’s own story of healing.

This is not a revengeful tell-all, but a story of redemption. And while Karen Evans spent time being very frustrated and angry she also knew just how deeply she loved her husband. But to love her husband as she desired, she would learn not only to first love God, but of His love for her.

I enjoy reading another person’s story of healing especially when it is told with complete transparency. Karen Evans does just this ever so naturally and honestly. It is not told from the perspective of a bitter wife as she intentionally exposes all her husband’s deep and dark secrets, but as a wife who dearly loves her husband.

While Karen doesn’t directly offer a list of do’s and don’t for a closer relationship with ones spouse, she so expertly offers wisdom applicable to any marriage. Her story is told from the perspective of a Christian woman who desires to find her true value in her relationship with God as she realizes this is also the key to her identity and marriage.

Karen has been married to Jimmy Evans for well over forty years. Together they are the founders of Marriage Today Ministries, where they not only offer help for marriages, but candidly share their struggles within their own marriage.

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BOOK REVIEWS, HOME

Good Shame: Paul Hegstrom’s “Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them”

May 1, 2020December 18, 2020 taylorjamesalbert

Lately I have been spending a bit of time trying to come to terms with the definitions of guilt and shame and just exactly how they are different. In my recent post entitled “Shame” I mention in his book entitled “Angry Men and The Women Who Love Them” Paul Hegstrom states the difference between the two is that “Guilt is about your behavior. Shame is about you”. Shame attacks the person and damages the heart, often permanently.

Several years ago I remember reading a Parade Magazine article by Dr. Joyce Brothers entitled “Shame May Not Be So Bad After All” where she discussed the concepts of guilt and shame. Up until that point I really had not given either much thought. And, I would have to say I really thought they meant the same thing. Dr. Joyce Brothers pointed out how “Shame became an accepted way of making kids conform to society’s standards while ignoring the bad feelings it could inflict”.

We have all heard those horror stories of how a mean old teacher from days gone by purposely embarrassed a student in front of his classmates, causing public humiliation, thus assuring said behavior would not ever occur again. In her article Dr. Joyce Brothers made reference to probably the most famous and one of the most horrific experiences that could have happened. And certainly such tactics worked well, not only causing shame but fear in the fellow classmates, fear of the same humiliation should they be caught in a similar embarrassing situation in the near future.

She also pointed out “Shame seems to be even more powerful than guilt, though the two emotions are linked.” So what is the real difference between guilt and shame? Guilt is realizing “that you have done something wrong”. Okay, this makes sense. And shame then “is feeling that there’s something wrong about you.” And this is why using shame is damaging . Shame is meant to humiliate to emotionally control. Shame does not teach and instruct but destroys the self-esteem while creating fear.

Remember a major part of rearing children is that of instructing and disciplining in order to develop their character and behavior. I think guilt is a driving force behind character building and integrity, guilt is what properly handled punishment is all about. Guilt as Dr. Joyce Brothers pointed out is “Good Shame” as it “is an experience that is instructive”. In other words it is teaching a child to take responsibility, to feel responsible for their behavior, it encourages the person to want to do good and become a better person. It is to teach the child to be responsible for their behavior and how there are consequences when they are not. It encourages realizing the need to try harder to change for the better. Even as adults we need correcting and instruction as these are beneficial to our learning and growing and improving ourselves. Rules are an essential part of society to make life as fair as is possible for all involved.

The real difference between guilt and shame is that of not humiliating but lovingly uplifting and truly wanting to help improve the character of the person. It all comes down to the intentions, well meant or not. Good shame or guilt says hey, you can do better and let me help you understand how.