Tag: Children

INSPIRATIONAL

Stop Trying So Hard, Just Lean into Him!

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“He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned” Mark 16:16 (KJV).

While I was saved and baptized as a young teenager and loved the Lord, I was just busy getting on with my life, dreaming of the future, college, marriage and family,…I read my Bible, I attended church, prayed and naturally wove the topic of my faith into my conversations and life choices, I truly did believe, but…

“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” Ephesians 6:4 (KJV).

During the summer after high school graduation I worked at the little local Carnegie Library. At noon I would walk a couple doors down and eat lunch with my grandparents. Thankfully they always made a point to challenge my thinking. This particular day I had made a bold statement about having my own faith and convictions. I remember his smile and her chuckle. And then my grandmother explaining how I had been living my parents’ faith and convictions. How, now entering the adult world and especially that of going away to college, my faith and convictions would be tested as I developed my own.

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” Proverbs 22:6 (KJV).

Leaving our little “Mayberry” and entering the world of academia, my college educated and God loving grandmother was obviously correct. It wasn’t that I doubted her and of course, I definitely trusted her, it was that I just didn’t have a clue, as she herself knew, and as I was beginning to understand.

“Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded” James 4:8 (KJV).

As I initially felt engulfed by all that this new world had to offer, I stayed true to my parents’ faith and convictions. I felt engulfed because I had left the protected and safe world where I honestly had never really dealt with dishonesty, where all the adults could be trusted and truly did care about my well being. While I would end up having college professors who were Christians, I also experienced like a deer in the headlights, professors who introduced me to a very foreign way of thinking. One atheist professor’s agenda was to destroy my faith in God. Yes, I was a (naive) Josh Wheaton being angrily challenged by my own Professor Radisson.

“Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee” Deuteronomy 31:6 (KJV).

Did I waffle? Yes. Did I doubt my faith in God? No, but I did waffle a bit. How? I did question my wholesome upbringing by becoming curious about decisions my college friends were making, seemingly oblivious to the consequences for their actions. I mean, I was an adult now. Wasn’t I mature enough and wise enough to dabble in some of the same choices as my free-er thinking college friends?

“Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever” 1 John 2:15-17 (KJV).

I did feel a mixture of emotions, guilt, shame, even regret for some of my own choices. I couldn’t understand what the difference was between others and their choices and me and my choices. How did they seem to not bear the weight of their own choices? Why weren’t they losing sleep and losing themselves?  

“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit” Romans 8:1 (KJV).

It would be years of feeling guilt, regret, self-condemnation and shame as I felt the burden of carrying the responsibility of my poor decisions. I just couldn’t seem to give myself grace. Did I doubt what Jesus had done for me?

“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” Romans 5:8 (KJV).

I remember the moment the truth became crystal clear. It was not that I had abandoned my faith during my college days, despite for what I felt condemnation. I was wrong! It was not condemnation, but conviction I felt!! God had never left me, He had been there with me all along. He had gently whispered into my ears the truth, guiding it down into my heart. Freedom is a wonderful thing. I am loved by Him for who I am and not my poor choices. I am loved by Him because I am me.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” Matthew 11:28 (ESV).

“Sunset Back Home” by MOI
JUST A SIP

Parents, Bless Your Children

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“He that walketh in his integrity, is just, and blessed shall his children be after him” Proverbs 20:7 (GNV).

“The righteous who walks in his integrity—blessed are his children after him!” Proverbs 20:7 (ESV).

“God-loyal people, living honest lives, make it much easier for their children” Proverbs 230:7 (MSG).

“The lovers of God will walk in integrity, and their children are fortunate
to have godly parents as their examples” Proverbs 20:7 (TPT).

“A righteous man who walks in his integrity—How blessed are his sons after him” Proverbs 20:7 (NASB).

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“My Guys” by MOI
JUST A SIP

Do YOU Despise Wisdom?

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“The Parables of Solomon the son of David king of Israel, To know wisdom, and instruction, to understand the words of knowledge, To receive instruction to do wisely, by justice and judgment and equity, To give unto the simple sharpness of wit, and to the child knowledge and discretion. And wise man shall hear and increase in learning, and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels, To understand a parable, and the interpretation, the words of the wise, and their dark sayings.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction” Proverbs 1:1-7 (GNV).

Image by James Chan from Pixabay

JUST A SIP

Empowering Respect For Women

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Sadly the topic of respect for ourselves and others has become so selfishly twisted and far removed from what God intended, and especially that of respecting women. Singer, entertainer, and more importantly husband and father, Donny Osmond, (now entering forty-three years of marriage with his lovely wife, Debbie, has earned the right to not only speak out but be listened to as he purposely challenges the panel and audience of “Loose Women”, the British daytime talk show, to introspectively re-evaluate their value as women. Real change begins with our thoughts being gently and lovingly challenged with the truth. Real change begins in the heart.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” Ephesians 5:25 (ESV).

“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life” Proverbs 31:10-12 (ESV).

“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “’Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates” Proverbs 31:25-31 (ESV).

Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay

BOOK REVIEWS, HOME

Good Shame: Paul Hegstrom’s “Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them”

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Lately I have been spending a bit of time trying to come to terms with the definitions of guilt and shame and just exactly how they are different. In my recent post entitled “Shame” I mention in his book entitled “Angry Men and The Women Who Love Them” Paul Hegstrom states the difference between the two is that “Guilt is about your behavior. Shame is about you”. Shame attacks the person and damages the heart, often permanently.

Several years ago I remember reading a Parade Magazine article by Dr. Joyce Brothers entitled “Shame May Not Be So Bad After All” where she discussed the concepts of guilt and shame. Up until that point I really had not given either much thought. And, I would have to say I really thought they meant the same thing. Dr. Joyce Brothers pointed out how “Shame became an accepted way of making kids conform to society’s standards while ignoring the bad feelings it could inflict”.

We have all heard those horror stories of how a mean old teacher from days gone by purposely embarrassed a student in front of his classmates, causing public humiliation, thus assuring said behavior would not ever occur again. In her article Dr. Joyce Brothers made reference to probably the most famous and one of the most horrific experiences that could have happened. And certainly such tactics worked well, not only causing shame but fear in the fellow classmates, fear of the same humiliation should they be caught in a similar embarrassing situation in the near future.

She also pointed out “Shame seems to be even more powerful than guilt, though the two emotions are linked.” So what is the real difference between guilt and shame? Guilt is realizing “that you have done something wrong”. Okay, this makes sense. And shame then “is feeling that there’s something wrong about you.” And this is why using shame is damaging . Shame is meant to humiliate to emotionally control. Shame does not teach and instruct but destroys the self-esteem while creating fear.

Remember a major part of rearing children is that of instructing and disciplining in order to develop their character and behavior. I think guilt is a driving force behind character building and integrity, guilt is what properly handled punishment is all about. Guilt as Dr. Joyce Brothers pointed out is “Good Shame” as it “is an experience that is instructive”. In other words it is teaching a child to take responsibility, to feel responsible for their behavior, it encourages the person to want to do good and become a better person. It is to teach the child to be responsible for their behavior and how there are consequences when they are not. It encourages realizing the need to try harder to change for the better. Even as adults we need correcting and instruction as these are beneficial to our learning and growing and improving ourselves. Rules are an essential part of society to make life as fair as is possible for all involved.

The real difference between guilt and shame is that of not humiliating but lovingly uplifting and truly wanting to help improve the character of the person. It all comes down to the intentions, well meant or not. Good shame or guilt says hey, you can do better and let me help you understand how.

Photo Credit: Canva

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INSPIRATIONAL

Wisdom

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Being a mother of young adult sons brings many opportunities to share wisdom gathered over the years. I recall my mother-in-law often pointing out how one doesn’t change the management. Our son is now in a managerial position. With this position has come more responsibility as well as frustration. And with this he has come to remember his own dreams and aspirations, none of which have anything to do with being in a managerial position. He is an extremely talented young artist with the gift of creativity. How did I encourage him?

“…do your research and give more thought to developing your ideas, your business plan so to speak. Don’t burn any bridges, lay low, don’t make waves, bide your time while you focus on you and your goals. Let your experience and time spent while in this managerial position serve its purposes for you. No experience in life is ever wasted and will serve a purpose in your future, guaranteed! This is how one acquires wisdom. Focusing on your passions guides you in discovering your God-given purposes.”

“Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.” James 3:13-18 (ESV).

Photo Credit: Jean van der Meulen

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INSPIRATIONAL

Waiting For God

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I realize there is a dry humored and extremely funny British sitcom called “Waiting For God” which aired in the early nineties. Of course it is about those who are in their retirement years, making the best of it as they wait for God to grant them their final rest. Recently I have discovered we need to wait for God, but in another way.

Our world is bent on taking advantage of every second of every hour, filling it with what we consider to be productive activities. Our goal seems to be somewhat like a race. This race we gradually entered as teens, then college preparation, then hitting it hard climbing the ladder of success. Success being a nice home and other acquired possessions, marriage and family, position in our choice of career,…and of course the financial means necessary to have all of this and more. How do we do this? By what we consider to be productive activities.

At the end of this race we hope to have acquired everything and more. At the end of this race we enter the retirement years. At the end of this race we celebrate this monumental milestone, but only for a moment. We very quickly begin to reflect. Where did time go? Was it all worth it? What about the regrets, the sacrifices and fallout, the wrong decisions,…the emptiness.

Not for one second am I saying we should not be productive and have proof of our productivity. Each and every one of us has specific God-given purposes and have been given specific gifts and passions with which to fulfill our purposes in life. But maybe, just maybe we should slow down a bit, pace ourselves throughout this race, and wait for God to guide us along the way. And maybe, just maybe, during those quiet contemplative moments with God we come to realize what’s really important. In doing so we still are able to attain the good life we desired, but without the need to fill every second of every hour with ‘productive activity’ followed by making peace with our past regrets.

Instead we slow down, “smell the roses”, we take the time to look up and grasp the awesomeness of God’s creation. We notice the twinkle in our child’s eye for the first time in a long time. We really feel the love of our spouse and our heart begins to swell. And then we begin to relax a bit. We begin to desire subtle changes in how we think and how we behave. We promise ourselves to not waste another second of our time on empty and hollow pursuits. We come to realize relationships with those closest to us have now become our priority once and for all. And we relish our quiet moments of waiting for God.

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