“The foremost question on the heart of any prodigal who ever gives thought to returning home is a simple one; ‘What’s different now?’ It does not matter if you are separated because of adultery, abuse, alcoholism, or any of the rest of the alphabet of causes, your spouse wants to know what has changed so that this nightmare will not repeat itself” Bob Steinkamp.
Granted most standing spouses are not to blame for their prodigal leaving the marriage, yet anyone who has chosen to stand for their marriage to be restored does come to the point where they also begin to take responsibility for their part in the marital issues.
While none of us initially realize we have our own issues which must be addressed, Rejoice Marriage Ministries compares the spouse who seemingly has chosen to walk away from their marriage with the parable told by Jesus of the prodigal son.
“And he said, A certain man had two sons: And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living. And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living. And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want. And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him.
And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father’s have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.
Now his elder son was in the field: and as he came and drew nigh to the house, he heard musick and dancing. And he called one of the servants, and asked what these things meant. And he said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf, because he hath received him safe and sound. And he was angry, and would not go in: therefore came his father out, and intreated him. And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends: But as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf. And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine. It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.”
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
~~~1 Peter 3:1-7 (ESV)~~~
“Redemption means I’m doing the right thing for you when you’re doing the wrong thing for me,…Jesus paid a price for us that we could not pay,…” Jimmy Evans.
“…our first response always is anger,…frustrated,…the pity stuff,…I look at what God went through just to redeem me,…I mean I should at least give that to you,…You blamed me for everything. You would never take responsibility,…there’s two sides to every marriage,…You definitely have issues as much as your husband does, but what I did is I asked the Lord to change me,…and then I just started praying,…constantly in my prayer closet.,…I didn’t lose faith that God could change both of us,…” Karen Evans.
“For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures,”
“And Jesus answered them, ‘Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.’”
I recall being in elementary school and one of our textbooks covering the concept of the theory of the evolution of man. Surely you too, have seen as I vaguely recall, the sketches of an ape as he gradually morphs into a human being. Whether I shook my head and chuckled out loud I can’t say for sure. What I do recall is how my instant and dismissive thought was just how ridiculous this sounded to me, even as a child. Yes, I grew up in a Christian home. Yes, I believed and still believe in creationism as taught in Genesis, the first book of the Bible.
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”
~~~Genesis 1:27 (ESV)~~~
A Matter of Faith is a well written movie, which entertains just this concept at the university level as a professor who teaches evolution is challenged by the father of one of his freshmen students. A debate is held for the purpose of creating dialogue, thus opening minds. During the debate the father hands his microphone over to a long ago fired professor who adamantly taught creationism only. “To me the most troubling aspect about this issue is that in our society today evolution is being taught in our schools and universities across this land as a matter of fact. But no one can scientifically prove evolution just as no one can scientifically prove that God created the world since none of us were present to witness it. Both these teachings then become a matter of faith. The evolutionist has nothing but vast periods of time, random chance events and the ever-changing ideas of man to base his world view upon, while the one who holds to creation has his beliefs firmly rooted in the truths contained in the Bible and a personal God who created everything….and my pride, I was the one who was at fault,….not in what I was teaching, but in how I went about it. I should have taught my students to look at both sides of the evidence, realizing that everyone, individually has to make their own choice. Either you are going to look at life through men’s ideas or God’s Word. So, if evolution, follow where that leads. If God, then serve the Lord. We can’t prove anything here tonight. We can only present theories. You can chance your eternity on the views of Freud and Darwin if you want. I’m putting my trust in Jesus Christ who died on the cross for my sin, was buried and rose again on the third day. I know some of you will call that stupidity. I am calling it humility. And I will trust and I will follow Christ and wait on the hope of eternal life that He offers. May you find that same hope.”
I recall being a young and very naïve college student attending a university where several of my professors most assuredly believed in the theory of evolution while openly dismissing my faith in God as being a bit foolish and simpleminded. And that’s okay. College should be a place where we are encouraged to develop our minds, to be challenged to think for ourselves. College should be a place where we are NOT taught what to think but HOW to think. So, by all means don’t allow pride to prevent the teaching of the theory of evolution, but also don’t allow pride to prevent the teaching of creationism.
Jesus Christ went to the cross for all of us, but it’s a choice each individual must make for themselves, whether to believe in creationism and ultimately choose to receive His forgiveness, or not. God doesn’t push Christ’s crucifixion, burial, and resurrection on anyone. It’s simply a matter of faith, which then becomes a matter of choice. Choose well.
“because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
“When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command the locust to devour the land, or send pestilence among my people, if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land. Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayer that is made in this place.”
“Forgiveness is both an act and a process. It is like canceling a debt. It takes only one to forgive. You can have your heart transformed by having experienced God’s love and forgiveness, allowing you to forgive someone who has hurt you terribly. When you forgive the person who has hurt you, be sure you realize that forgiveness is not letting that person, “off the hook.” Rather, it is an act of releasing the person hurting you from your hook and putting them on God’s hook for Him to deal with justly” Charlyne Steinkamp.
“And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
When a couple goes through marital issues, poor decisions are often made, strike that, poor decisions are always made. While I did not divorce my husband, my crazy-making, in word and deed, led my amazing husband to want to run away from home, far, far away. I get it, yes,…now I get it. We have both apologized to each other and to our precious son, and healing is slowly but surely happening.
“It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house” Proverbs 21:9 (KJV).
Once I let go of my selfish, bitter, revengeful, angry, blaming, prideful,…pity me and poor me attitudes, I was finally able to love my husband in a deeper way, allowing me to see him as a tender, hurting, and severely damaged soul. You see, we fell head over heels in love way back, well I recorded in my journal that I had met the man of my dreams, was in love, and yes, ready to marry my future husband back on January 17th of 1982. It’s seems like just yesterday. I still feel the joy, excitement, and yes, the love.
What’s so difficult when it comes to marital issues is that it always looks like your better half has all the problems. Your emotions get the best of you causing you to begin seeing them as selfish and so, let the games begin. Funny, truth be told, you, yourself, are being selfish.
No, I’m not going to discount your or my spouse’s part to play in all of this nonsense, just pointing out how it wasn’t just my husband, but Moi as well who needed to get my head examined, my eyes check, and my heart cleansed of all selfishness.
“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (KJV).
We absolutely must stay on guard, watching out for those moments when we find ourselves thinking more about ourselves than about the relationship, the marriage. Marriage is about two people coming together, two people who have vowed to forsake all others and to commit to the bond, the unity created before God and family.
“And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand” Matthew 12:25 (KJV).
I can still hear that still small voice whispering in my ear of how a house divided cannot stand. Of course I couldn’t see how I was creating division in our marriage by becoming selfish. What I convinced myself of was how I was doing everything I possibly could to prevent such a division from occurring. I was on a mission, a mission commissioned by God no less. Crazy huh? This is how selfishness works and ultimately how selfishness causes us to lose every single time.
Thank God He does not quit on us. Thank God He is a God who forgives, forgets, heals and restores. I like to say God is a God of second-second chances. And for this I will forever be grateful.
“When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command the locust to devour the land, or send pestilence among my people, if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land. Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayer that is made in this place.”
