“But if you are guided (led) by the [Holy] Spirit, you are not subject to the Law.
But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness, Gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraint, continence). Against such things there is no law [that can bring a charge].
And those who belong to Christ Jesus (the Messiah) have crucified the flesh (the godless human nature) with its passions and appetites and desires.
If we live by the [Holy] Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. [If by the Holy Spirit we have our life in God, let us go forward walking in line, our conduct controlled by the Spirit.]”
~~~Galatians 5:18, 22-25~~~
~~~(Classic Edition, Amplified Bible)~~~
“My Guys & Uncle Stanley”
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Standing for marriage can often be a very misunderstood concept, especially by those closest to the stander,…and especially by the stander’s wayward spouse. Take heart. It’s okay.
“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”
~~~Malachi 2:16 (ESV)~~~
Bob Steinkamp knew first hand what it meant to be considered a wayward or prodigal spouse. After years of marriage cloud covered by Bob’s unfaithfulness, camouflaged by his anger, Charlyne took counsel and divorced her husband and father of their three children. Only by the grace of God did she very quickly come to repent of her mistake. Yes, mistake.
“…with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
~~~Ephesians 4:2-3 (ESV)~~~
Rejoice Marriage Ministries was birthed from Bob & Charlyne’s marital chaos which thankfully resulted in their remarrying and rediscovering what marriage is truly all about.
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.”
“He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned” Mark 16:16 (KJV).
While I was saved and baptized as a young teenager and loved the Lord, I was just busy getting on with my life, dreaming of the future, college, marriage and family,…I read my Bible, I attended church, prayed and naturally wove the topic of my faith into my conversations and life choices, I truly did believe, but…
“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” Ephesians 6:4 (KJV).
During the summer after high school graduation I worked at the little local Carnegie Library. At noon I would walk a couple doors down and eat lunch with my grandparents. Thankfully they always made a point to challenge my thinking. This particular day I had made a bold statement about having my own faith and convictions. I remember his smile and her chuckle. And then my grandmother explaining how I had been living my parents’ faith and convictions. How, now entering the adult world and especially that of going away to college, my faith and convictions would be tested as I developed my own.
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” Proverbs 22:6 (KJV).
Leaving our little “Mayberry” and entering the world of academia, my college educated and God loving grandmother was obviously correct. It wasn’t that I doubted her and of course, I definitely trusted her, it was that I just didn’t have a clue, as she herself knew, and as I was beginning to understand.
“Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded” James 4:8 (KJV).
As I initially felt engulfed by all that this new world had to offer, I stayed true to my parents’ faith and convictions. I felt engulfed because I had left the protected and safe world where I honestly had never really dealt with dishonesty, where all the adults could be trusted and truly did care about my well being. While I would end up having college professors who were Christians, I also experienced like a deer in the headlights, professors who introduced me to a very foreign way of thinking. One atheist professor’s agenda was to destroy my faith in God. Yes, I was a (naive) Josh Wheaton being angrily challenged by my own Professor Radisson.
“Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee” Deuteronomy 31:6 (KJV).
Did I waffle? Yes. Did I doubt my faith in God? No, but I did waffle a bit. How? I did question my wholesome upbringing by becoming curious about decisions my college friends were making, seemingly oblivious to the consequences for their actions. I mean, I was an adult now. Wasn’t I mature enough and wise enough to dabble in some of the same choices as my free-er thinking college friends?
“Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever” 1 John 2:15-17 (KJV).
I did feel a mixture of emotions, guilt, shame, even regret for some of my own choices. I couldn’t understand what the difference was between others and their choices and me and my choices. How did they seem to not bear the weight of their own choices? Why weren’t they losing sleep and losing themselves?
“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit” Romans 8:1 (KJV).
It would be years of feeling guilt, regret, self-condemnation and shame as I felt the burden of carrying the responsibility of my poor decisions. I just couldn’t seem to give myself grace. Did I doubt what Jesus had done for me?
“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” Romans 5:8 (KJV).
I remember the moment the truth became crystal clear. It was not that I had abandoned my faith during my college days, despite for what I felt condemnation. I was wrong! It was not condemnation, but conviction I felt!! God had never left me, He had been there with me all along. He had gently whispered into my ears the truth, guiding it down into my heart. Freedom is a wonderful thing. I am loved by Him for who I am and not my poor choices. I am loved by Him because I am me.
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” Matthew 11:28 (ESV).
“Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment” Matthew 22:37-38 (KJV).
“And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment'” Matthew 22:37-38 (ESV).
“Jesus answered him, ‘Love the Lord your God with every passion of your heart, with all the energy of your being, and with every thought that is within you.’ This is the great and supreme commandment” Matthew 22:37-38 (TPT).
Instead of loving others, we choose to hurt, instead of loving others we choose to use, instead of loving others we choose to abuse…how’s that really working out for you?
“If I [can] speak in the tongues of men and [even] of angels, but have not love (that reasoning, intentional, spiritual devotion suchas is inspired by God’s love for and in us), I am only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal” 1 Corinthians 13:1 (AMPC).
“If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate” 1 Corinthians 13:1 (MSG).
“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal” 1 Corinthians 13:1 KJV).
“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal” 1 Corinthians 3:1 (ESV).
“Though I speak with the tongues of men and Angels, and have not love, I am as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal” 1 Corinthians 13:1 (GNV).
“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty [Whose power no foe can withstand]. I will say of the Lord, He is my Refuge and my Fortress, my God; on Him I lean and rely, and in Him I [confidently] trust! For [then] He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. [Then] He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings shall you trust and find refuge; His truth and His faithfulness are a shield and a buckler.
You shall not be afraid of the terror of the night, nor of the arrow (the evil plots and slanders of the wicked) that flies by day, Nor of the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor of the destruction and sudden death that surprise and lay waste at noonday. A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand, but it shall not come near you. Only a spectator shall you be [yourself inaccessible in the secret place of the Most High] as you witness the reward of the wicked.
Because you have made the Lord your refuge, and the Most High your dwelling place, There shall no evil befall you, nor any plague or calamity come near your tent. For He will give His angels [especial] charge over you to accompany and defend and preserve you in all your ways [of obedience and service]. They shall bear you up on their hands, lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon the lion and adder; the young lion and the serpent shall you trample underfoot.
Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore will I deliver him; I will set him on high, because he knows and understands My name [has a personal knowledge of My mercy, love, and kindness—trusts and relies on Me, knowing I will never forsake him, no, never]. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him My salvation” Psalm 91 (AMPC).
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed” Genesis 2:24-25 (ESV).
Ah, so you have fallen in love and simply cannot live without each other. Wonderful! What a grand celebration the wedding. Before God, family and friends, with glazed over eyes you and the love of your life commit to love, honor, cherish,…’til death do you part. But do you really mean it?
Being married is so much more than just a grand celebration and honeymoon. Being married is a commitment to forsake all others, even self, putting your spouse’s needs at the top of your priority list for the rest of your life. As you exchanged rings, sealing your commitment with a kiss, with God, family and friends as your witnesses, those vows were not a contractual agreement, but thankfully a covenant, a covenant for life.
Contractual agreements are strictly business agreements. These signed documents are a quiet yet loud way of saying we will, if we deem necessary, pursue our legal options against each other. In truth, the bottom line reasoning behind a contractual business agreement is monetary. In bygone days a handshake was sufficient to create a contractual agreement between business partners to indicate our spoken words would be kept. Just as a side note, reading chapter four of the book of Ruth, in order for Boaz to buy all that belonged to Naomi as well as take Ruth as his wife, in front of witnesses the kinsman-redeemer (with first right of refusal) took off his sandal, giving it to Boaz. Unfortunately, a trusted handshake is somehow no longer adequate, any more than the exchanging of sandals.
Sadly, too often our wedding vows have been reduced to nothing more than a contractual agreement with the prenuptial agreement escape clause attached. And, even if there isn’t a premarital agreement, we have reduced our commitment to either the option of staying within the marriage in name only, to seeking the legal escape of filing for divorce. Why? Didn’t we mean what we said? Didn’t we take seriously the responsibility of unconditionally loving our spouse, committing to each other and to God, to keep what’s between us and God between us and God? Didn’t we understand what our vows truly meant?
Not for a second am I saying marriage is easy any more than I would say life is always easy. Whether marriage and life are easy or not, is simply not the point. Truth be told, should your marriage be easy, very likely you and your spouse are missing out on the wonderful opportunities only discovered when the couple navigates through not just the good times, but especially the difficult times of life together. This is what a committed covenant marriage is about and how, over the course of a lifetime, it is created. No other relationship exists which can compare, ever.
While we may not truly grasp the depth of our commitment as we lovingly and naively yet sincerely recite our wedding vows, it is this commitment which allows a deep trust, knowing we will never turn our backs on each other despite the unknown future which most certainly lies ahead. This is what wedding vows are all about and how marital bliss develops. This is the deep peace which can only be discovered by those who truly are committed to loving the most important person in their life, ’til death do we part. This is true love and this is wedded bliss.
Photo Credit: Michelle Statler
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We each have a story to tell. Retelling our own story offers others hope as it gently reminds us of not just how far we’ve come, but of the grace of God for His gentle and continued guidance throughout our journey. And, as is often the case, our story is not just about us and us alone.
“From Pain to Paradise: The Story of How God Transformed My Life & Marriage from Brokenness to Blessing ” is Karen Evans’ story of healing, not just of her own identity but that of her marriage as well. Falling in love with the man of her dreams also meant she would be taking on his own well hidden identity issues. And so throughout her retelling, she weaves aspects of her husband’s own story of healing.
This is not a revengeful tell-all, but a story of redemption. And while Karen Evans spent time being very frustrated and angry she also knew just how deeply she loved her husband. But to love her husband as she desired, she would learn not only to first love God, but of His love for her.
I enjoy reading another person’s story of healing especially when it is told with complete transparency. Karen Evans does just this ever so naturally and honestly. It is not told from the perspective of a bitter wife as she intentionally exposes all her husband’s deep and dark secrets, but as a wife who dearly loves her husband.
While Karen doesn’t directly offer a list of do’s and don’t for a closer relationship with ones spouse, she so expertly offers wisdom applicable to any marriage. Her story is told from the perspective of a Christian woman who desires to find her true value in her relationship with God as she realizes this is also the key to her identity and marriage.
Karen has been married to Jimmy Evans for well over forty years. Together they are the founders of Marriage Today Ministries, where they not only offer help for marriages, but candidly share their struggles within their own marriage.
Photo Credit: Lisa Fotios
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I met my wonderful husband nearly thirty-eight years ago. Rereading letters my grandmother wrote to me while I was away at college makes it feel so fresh in my mind. Falling in love is amazing!
In one letter she writes “Then the most rewarding and most wonderful of all, in your last year of college-Darrin, comes into your life. I’m sure every girl dreams of just the ‘right man’ and I’m sure every mother, grandmother, and special friends also hope and pray for just the ‘right man’ to come into their special child’s life, special-as you girls have been to me-and I do thank God for Darrin in your life. You are both very special young people-When I got a letter that went something like this “Darrin has so many fine qualities-and none of the other guys I’ve dated can even compare to him!” I thought “I think this is it”-and then I came to know him-how wonderful it all is. God watches over and guides those He loves-you know”.
She continues “I’m sure there are many girls in the world who wish they had what you have-Nothing is more wonderful in a woman’s life than knowing she has the love and respect of a fine man-May sound queer for an old woman of seventy-four to say, but that I believe and know from experience; my mother always said a woman who was not “what she should be” had ruined the life of many a man. And I am happy in the fact that you do love and respect Darrin so much and that is good! He is what I call a “Christian Gentleman” and that covers about everything, and you are a beautiful girl, I mean character, habits, thoughts, etc.,…I am so proud of both of you-you both seem mature which is a quality I like”.
What more can I say? My husband is the most amazing and wonderful man I know. And I agree with my grandmother referring to him as being a “Christian Gentleman”. A fine man indeed!
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