When a couple goes through marital issues, poor decisions are often made, strike that, poor decisions are always made. While I did not divorce my husband, my crazy-making, in word and deed, led my amazing husband to want to run away from home, far, far away. I get it, yes,…now I get it. We have both apologized to each other and to our precious son, and healing is slowly but surely happening.
“It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house” Proverbs 21:9 (KJV).
Once I let go of my selfish, bitter, revengeful, angry, blaming, prideful,…pity me and poor me attitudes, I was finally able to love my husband in a deeper way, allowing me to see him as a tender, hurting, and severely damaged soul. You see, we fell head over heels in love way back, well I recorded in my journal that I had met the man of my dreams, was in love, and yes, ready to marry my future husband back on January 17th of 1982. It’s seems like just yesterday. I still feel the joy, excitement, and yes, the love.
What’s so difficult when it comes to marital issues is that it always looks like your better half has all the problems. Your emotions get the best of you causing you to begin seeing them as selfish and so, let the games begin. Funny, truth be told, you, yourself, are being selfish.
No, I’m not going to discount your or my spouse’s part to play in all of this nonsense, just pointing out how it wasn’t just my husband, but Moi as well who needed to get my head examined, my eyes check, and my heart cleansed of all selfishness.
“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (KJV).
We absolutely must stay on guard, watching out for those moments when we find ourselves thinking more about ourselves than about the relationship, the marriage. Marriage is about two people coming together, two people who have vowed to forsake all others and to commit to the bond, the unity created before God and family.
“And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand” Matthew 12:25 (KJV).
I can still hear that still small voice whispering in my ear of how a house divided cannot stand. Of course I couldn’t see how I was creating division in our marriage by becoming selfish. What I convinced myself of was how I was doing everything I possibly could to prevent such a division from occurring. I was on a mission, a mission commissioned by God no less. Crazy huh? This is how selfishness works and ultimately how selfishness causes us to lose every single time.
Thank God He does not quit on us. Thank God He is a God who forgives, forgets, heals and restores. I like to say God is a God of second-second chances. And for this I will forever be grateful.
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Blessings!
