“Your marriage cannot really excel greater than your relationship with God. If you have a sorry relationship with God, you are going to be a sorry partner,…God never intended marriage to function independent of Him” Andrew Wommack.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
Too often we find ourselves unknowingly holding on to our sins at the sacrifice of our relationships with our spouse, family, friends, and most especially our relationship with God.
Why?
Because at the root of every single sin is PRIDE.
And PRIDE is all about me.
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”
Standing for marriage starts out in an extremely confusing state. Emotions are all over the place, heavy fog a continual companion. And those nearest and dearest can feel the stander’s pain, truly well meant intentions. The human nature in all of us wants nothing more than to end the pain, no matter the cost.
The more I leaned into my relationship with God, the more my emotions settled. And once I made my decision to stand for the healing and restoration of my marriage until my last breath, then and only then did I enter the most calming state of peace, knowing I had made the right decision. Yes, it would be difficult, yes, I would be misunderstood, yes, I would be thought dipsy, but such peace, such amazing peace.
Standing for my marriage has brought me in contact with so many people, Christian as well as non-Christian, offering a mixture of responses when I explain what I am doing and why. At times, what I have said has caused emotions to flare, my not realizing just how much my personal decision, my conviction has touched buried, yet raw nerves concerning their own.
At other times, I have been pulled aside by a person who has chosen to get on with their life, only to have them tell me just how much they regret walking away, wishing they had chosen to stand for their marriage. Sadly, I recall two women whose husbands did return to their marriages. One man’s life was taken by cancer while the other man’s life was taken by suicide. Guilt, remorse, shame,…are cruel and unforgiving taskmasters.
In just about every encounter, the other person has typically taken what I have said about my own situation and applied their own emotions surrounding their own situation. These are the times I have found I must very quickly point out that what I am saying is about my own decision, I am not judging their decisions concerning their lives. Thankfully they just as quickly relax their stance, conviction and condemnation are so closely related and yet so, so very different.
“If a man divorces his wife and she goes from him and becomes another man’s wife, will he return to her? Would not that land be greatly polluted? You have played the whore with many lovers; and would you return to me? declares the Lord.”
~~~Jeremiah 3:1 (ESV)~~~
I find my thoughts returning to our wedding vows spoken with naive yet heartfelt conviction, “…to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, so help me God…” And I know I have made the right decision.
“Wedding Day August 6, 1983”
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Despite all the ups and downs of marriage, family and life, I have always felt so secure, trusting my husband then as I still do now. It was such a shock when he seemingly and simply just walked away from our marriage and family. I spent months and months, and months in a daze.
I was working in the Deans Office at the university. We were only weeks away from our wedding date. An older woman working with me suggested I have a secret financial nest egg, should the need arise. I remember thinking, I don’t think so. My mother and my grandmothers had not done so, and neither would I. Besides, this young man who held my heart, was simply not the type.
While, at the time of my husband’s leaving, I had not heard about standing for marriage, I just knew I needed to remain committed to our marriage and family. I had no idea the process or the time frame. My brother-in-law asked me if I really thought my husband would come home. I responded most definitely, but it would take time.
As children we tend to wish to quickly grow up, to be unaware of all that is required in order to develop into a responsible adult with solid character traits. We innocently count the days until Christmas as if pushing time were possible. Time becomes an issue to us. God doesn’t require time, yet with our impatience we tend to think time is the problem, never realizing it is us and not God, slowing the process.
Whenever a couple has marital issues, one spouse tends to selfishly believe the other spouse is the problem. The other spouse is the one who needs fixing. We simply cannot see our need to change. We pridefully tend to think we have God’s permission to manipulate our spouse, never considering how we too, are not as we should be. It’s not about getting even, revenge, fixing them or proving I’m right and you are wrong.
We simply cannot see how God wants to work on us first, cleansing our hearts of all selfish nonsense. Standing is not about fixing your spouse. Standing is first and foremost about an intimate, up close and personal relationship with God. It is then and only then, as we come to realize just how much love, grace, and forgiveness He has for us, that we too, can offer our better half the same love, grace, and forgiveness.
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“Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again” Matthew 7:1-2 (KJV).
“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye” Matthew 7:3-5 (KJV).
Family Photos: “Mr & Mrs”
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