“Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].”
~~~1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (AMPC)~~~
“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
~~~Mark 10:9 (KJV)~~~
“Keep your eyes open, hold tight to your convictions, give it all you’ve got, be resolute, and love without stopping.”
~~~1 Corinthians 16:14 (MSG)~~~
Happy 38th Wedding Anniversary Darling!
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Blessings!
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“Bear (endure, carry) one another’s burdens and troublesome moral faults, and in this way fulfill and observe perfectly the law of Christ (the Messiah) and complete what is lacking [in your obedience to it]”.
~~~Galatians 6:2 (AMPC)~~~
“Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ”.
Ultimately, just as the stander learns, the returning prodigal spouse comes to realize just what unconditional love is truly all about. Bob Steinkamp of Rejoice Marriage Ministries wrote of his attempts to “push her buttons”, that of his standing wife, Charlyne, in an attempt to provoke her to lash out at him. Was she really changing her ways? Or were these changes in her character simply more of her manipulative methods that Bob could use to justify his own selfish behaviors. In reality he was testing the waters to see if Charlyne truly had had the heart change he was beginning to notice.
To better understand a spouse who leaves the marriage, it has become common to compare them with the story of the prodigal son found in Luke 15:11-24 (GNV):
“He said moreover, A certain man had two sons, And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of the goods that falleth to me. So he divided unto them his substance. So not many days after, when the younger son had gathered all together, he took his journey into a far country, and there he wasted his goods with riotous living.
Now when he had spent all, there arose a great dearth throughout that land, and he began to be in necessity. Then he went and clave to a citizen of that country, and he sent him to his farm, to feed swine. And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine ate: but no man gave them him.
Then he came to himself, and said, How many hired servants at my father’s have bread enough, and I die for hunger? I will rise and go to my father, and say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thine hired servants.
So he arose and came to his father, and when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.
Then the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet, And bring the fat calf, and kill him, and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again: and he was lost, but he is found. And they began to be merry.”
If I remember correctly it was also Bob who spoke of the “Three C’s” of transformation evident in a prodigal spouse as they make their way back home. He explained the “Three C’s” of transformation were first that of being critical, followed by curious, and lastly that of being convicted.
Interestingly enough, the stander must first experience their own heartfelt and transformative stages as well. This is how unconditional love opens the door, welcoming home the prodigal spouse. This is how unconditional love changes everything.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed” Genesis 2:24-25 (ESV).
Ah, so you have fallen in love and simply cannot live without each other. Wonderful! What a grand celebration the wedding. Before God, family and friends, with glazed over eyes you and the love of your life commit to love, honor, cherish,…’til death do you part. But do you really mean it?
Being married is so much more than just a grand celebration and honeymoon. Being married is a commitment to forsake all others, even self, putting your spouse’s needs at the top of your priority list for the rest of your life. As you exchanged rings, sealing your commitment with a kiss, with God, family and friends as your witnesses, those vows were not a contractual agreement, but thankfully a covenant, a covenant for life.
Contractual agreements are strictly business agreements. These signed documents are a quiet yet loud way of saying we will, if we deem necessary, pursue our legal options against each other. In truth, the bottom line reasoning behind a contractual business agreement is monetary. In bygone days a handshake was sufficient to create a contractual agreement between business partners to indicate our spoken words would be kept. Just as a side note, reading chapter four of the book of Ruth, in order for Boaz to buy all that belonged to Naomi as well as take Ruth as his wife, in front of witnesses the kinsman-redeemer (with first right of refusal) took off his sandal, giving it to Boaz. Unfortunately, a trusted handshake is somehow no longer adequate, any more than the exchanging of sandals.
Sadly, too often our wedding vows have been reduced to nothing more than a contractual agreement with the prenuptial agreement escape clause attached. And, even if there isn’t a premarital agreement, we have reduced our commitment to either the option of staying within the marriage in name only, to seeking the legal escape of filing for divorce. Why? Didn’t we mean what we said? Didn’t we take seriously the responsibility of unconditionally loving our spouse, committing to each other and to God, to keep what’s between us and God between us and God? Didn’t we understand what our vows truly meant?
Not for a second am I saying marriage is easy any more than I would say life is always easy. Whether marriage and life are easy or not, is simply not the point. Truth be told, should your marriage be easy, very likely you and your spouse are missing out on the wonderful opportunities only discovered when the couple navigates through not just the good times, but especially the difficult times of life together. This is what a committed covenant marriage is about and how, over the course of a lifetime, it is created. No other relationship exists which can compare, ever.
While we may not truly grasp the depth of our commitment as we lovingly and naively yet sincerely recite our wedding vows, it is this commitment which allows a deep trust, knowing we will never turn our backs on each other despite the unknown future which most certainly lies ahead. This is what wedding vows are all about and how marital bliss develops. This is the deep peace which can only be discovered by those who truly are committed to loving the most important person in their life, ’til death do we part. This is true love and this is wedded bliss.
Photo Credit: Michelle Statler
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My parents met as a result of Dad carrying out groceries at the local Kroger. I can’t say I really know too many of the details. I do hope to have the opportunity of hearing them tell more about their courtship days. I do know Mother’s mother sold eggs to the grocer and of course Dad just happened to be the young man who carried out my grandmother’s groceries.
Despite another young man threatening to run down my very young future dad with his souped-up pickup truck, he continued to court my very young future mother. Funny thing, this hotheaded young man who boldly made such threats, would later become the husband of one of our all-time favorite high school teachers. And interestingly enough, they did not have children. Knowing all this I have often felt grateful my mother married my dad! How the mind of a child truly works!
I do know my parents were both very young, both straight off the farm, and both wanted nothing more than to return to the farm and to raise a family together. Despite the hardships of the small family farm, they have been able to do just that.
My parents were married in 1959. I am certain they have not spent more than a dozen or so nights apart over the years. Remember the sixties when mothers were expected to recuperate in the hospital after the birth of a baby? Of course now my parents have both had surgeries and other health issues which have required overnight hospital stays. They both have really good attitudes concerning their health.
Just as I tell my wonderful husband from time to time I tell Dad, he too is crotchety! And it’s okay, he enjoys the attention. I realize part of this crotchetiness is due to his upbringing, but I think it is mainly due to the fact he has severe hearing loss.
As a boy of about eight he fell against the door of a root cellar damaging one ear and it seems no one realized the severity of the fall. Certainly working around farm machinery all his life has also negatively affected his ability to hear. We just learned to live with this growing up; the television was always too loud for most of us.
However, the real damage occurred a few years ago when he became violently ill, vomiting incessantly. It seems there had been a major outbreak of mosquitoes and he contracted viral encephalitis, which resulted in total loss of hearing in the opposite ear. I’m certain he has simply adapted to not being able to fully participate in conversations. And I’m certain he wished he could.
Mother on the other hand has diabetes and as a result has been gradually losing her eyesight. This has been a challenge for her as she has always sewed, crocheted, and cooked. And though she can still partially see, I expect the real disappointment, though she can still safely hold them in her arms, is she can’t really, really look into the eyes of her great grandchildren. She so wants photos of us and our families hung in their new home, but…
And now I find myself watching my parents, observing how they are functioning, something I really never did before. They have a very large television. Mother can see blurred images. The volume is up as high as it will go. If Mother misses something, Dad explains what he sees. If Dad misses something, then Mother explains what she hears. This has become their routine and amazingly seems to work for them.
Dad has had to take on a lot of the domestic role which was traditionally Mother’s. Of course he still seeks her counsel on just about everything, as was always the case between them. I have never doubted his grasping the value of having Mother as his partner for life. I can’t help but be concerned for the future, one living without the other.
They have been a team from the moment they pledged their wedding vows. And even though age and health issues are causing their life to become very simplified and extremely routine, they seem happy, contented, and very much still in love. I will forever be grateful for the stability and beautiful example of their unconditional and totally devoted love they share. Dad zips up mother’s jacket. She holds his hand as he guides them out the door. This is what marriage is all about. This is true love.
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