Charlyne Steinkamp “Never forget that the Lord called you out of the enemy’s darkness and that your husband or wife has been taken captive by their ignorance or did not realize the severe consequences of dabbling in the sins of this world. Satan is just waiting for anyone – you, your spouse or teenager or young adult – to just look over the hedge of God’s protection to see if the grass is greener on the other side”.
“For the wages which sin pays is death, but the [bountiful] free gift of God is eternal life through (in union with) Jesus Christ our Lord.”
Charlyne Steinkamp “Women, do you respect your husband? Men are to love their wives as their own bodies . A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. Ephesians 5:31 When I started disrespecting Bob because of his actions, behaviors, and words, I allowed the enemy to come into our home and pour self-righteousness, bitterness, and anger into my heart”.
“Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, That He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that she might be holy and faultless]. Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, Because we are members (parts) of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is very great, but I speak concerning [the relation of] Christ and the church. However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].”
Bob Steinkamp of Rejoice Marriage Ministries “May I borrow from Charlyne’s style today and ask you a question? What do prodigals want? No, not why do prodigals leave home, because we all know that answer. Husbands and wives walk out on their mates and on their children because of an attack from the enemy. Drugs, sex, and alcohol are not “why” prodigals leave, but “how” they leave. You and I both know how temporal those pleasures can be, and so does every prodigal spouse. We make that discovery the hard way; by experience, often at the cost of family, career, health and happiness”.
“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world”.
~~~1 Peter 5:8-9 (ESV)~~~
“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you”.
Charlyne Steinkamp “You are being attacked because you are walking with your Lord on the narrow road of righteousness”.
“Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.”
“Forgiveness is both an act and a process. It is like canceling a debt. It takes only one to forgive. You can have your heart transformed by having experienced God’s love and forgiveness, allowing you to forgive someone who has hurt you terribly. When you forgive the person who has hurt you, be sure you realize that forgiveness is not letting that person, “off the hook.” Rather, it is an act of releasing the person hurting you from your hook and putting them on God’s hook for Him to deal with justly” Charlyne Steinkamp.
“And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
Ultimately, just as the stander learns, the returning prodigal spouse comes to realize just what unconditional love is truly all about. Bob Steinkamp of Rejoice Marriage Ministries wrote of his attempts to “push her buttons”, that of his standing wife, Charlyne, in an attempt to provoke her to lash out at him. Was she really changing her ways? Or were these changes in her character simply more of her manipulative methods that Bob could use to justify his own selfish behaviors. In reality he was testing the waters to see if Charlyne truly had had the heart change he was beginning to notice.
To better understand a spouse who leaves the marriage, it has become common to compare them with the story of the prodigal son found in Luke 15:11-24 (GNV):
“He said moreover, A certain man had two sons, And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of the goods that falleth to me. So he divided unto them his substance. So not many days after, when the younger son had gathered all together, he took his journey into a far country, and there he wasted his goods with riotous living.
Now when he had spent all, there arose a great dearth throughout that land, and he began to be in necessity. Then he went and clave to a citizen of that country, and he sent him to his farm, to feed swine. And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine ate: but no man gave them him.
Then he came to himself, and said, How many hired servants at my father’s have bread enough, and I die for hunger? I will rise and go to my father, and say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thine hired servants.
So he arose and came to his father, and when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.
Then the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet, And bring the fat calf, and kill him, and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again: and he was lost, but he is found. And they began to be merry.”
If I remember correctly it was also Bob who spoke of the “Three C’s” of transformation evident in a prodigal spouse as they make their way back home. He explained the “Three C’s” of transformation were first that of being critical, followed by curious, and lastly that of being convicted.
Interestingly enough, the stander must first experience their own heartfelt and transformative stages as well. This is how unconditional love opens the door, welcoming home the prodigal spouse. This is how unconditional love changes everything.
While standing for marriage is not new, it is a somewhat misunderstood and often very lonely experience. Having discovered Rejoice Marriage Ministries brought like-minded men and women into my life, if only from afar. While returned prodigal, Bob Steinkamp, has been in Heaven now for several years, Charlyne Steinkamp and family faithfully continue on with the ministry which God forged from their own marital issues and eventual restoration.
Bob Steinkamp wrote a fictional Christmas story about standing for marriage which allows us to see inside not only the stander’s heart, but the prodigal’s as well. While my heart is warmed each time I reread “Millie’s Christmas”, I no longer find my heart aching as it once did, largely due in part to Rejoice Marriage Ministries. With much appreciation to Rejoice Marriage Ministries and their generously allowing me to share, please take a moment to read this light yet heartwarming story of a prodigal spouse’s holiday homecoming.
“Empty & Alone” by Deb E
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The most rewarding yet most challenging relationship one will ever experience is that of being in a monogamous relationship called marriage, especially being committed for life. Charlyne Steinkamp attests to this in her very down to earth book entitled “The Spiritual Journey Toward A Healed Marriage“. Remember the traditional “…to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part…” Christian wedding vows?
Fortunately yet unfortunately, many of us were so giddy in love as we committed to our spouse and to God, sweetly and assuredly, and naively reciting these vows on our wedding day. Fortunately we really had no idea what lay ahead. And, unfortunately, our vows would be tested.
Sadly, life happens. Sadly, we are tested. Do we have the courage to rise to the challenge? Do we take our vows seriously? Are we really committed, ’til death do us part? What do we do when our spouse chooses to walk away?
Whether a couple goes through difficult times remaining married or whether one or both want to call it quits, doesn’t matter. Marriage, even after divorce, can be restored. Charlyne Steinkamp from Rejoice Marriage Ministries speaks from experience.
In her book entitled “The Spiritual Journey Toward a Healed Marriage” Charlyne Steinkamp so revealingly points out how “The church is not able to be the ‘critical care unit’ for the wounded and broken hearts, because divorce is so rampant in the church”. Sadly, this certainly seems to be the case. Granted there are verses found in scripture which make allowance for divorce. And we seem all too quick to jump to the conclusion that divorce is the only option. But is it really the best solution?
Charlyne and Bob Steinkamp married as any young and in love couple hopefully does, much in love. Unfortunately, after twenty very difficult years of marriage and three young children, Charlyne received pastorial counsel and made the decision to divorce Bob. Fortunately, she very quickly realized she had made a horrible mistake.
Marriages can be restored and marriages can be saved, even after divorce, and it only takes one spouse to recommit to those wedding vows in order to do so. This book can very easily be used as a devotional as it includes scriptural references and suggested prayers, and even an occasional “Bobservation” from her husband to better understand the spouse who wants to call it quits. And most of all Charlyne Steinkamp not only reveals how to heal and restore your marriage not through manipulative tactics, but through your relationship with God.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” Ephesians 5:31-33 (ESV).
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