“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
~~~1 Peter 5:8 (NIV)~~~
The Miraculous Life “And He always points me to the wedge when you’re cutting firewood. And I don’t know if anybody’s chopped firewood before, but you have this big, strong log. And you take this wedge and you pound this wedge into this big log. And it’s amazing how this very tiny point of a tip is the thing that makes the inroad. It gets in there just a little bit. And as it further goes down it creates greater and greater separation, so much so that this big log splits in two. And I believe that’s the way many mundane, everyday circumstances are happening that priorities begin to get out of wack. We begin to not care or nurture for this most precious relationship called marriage the way that we should”.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
Paul “Divorce isn’t always the option that people think it is.”
Sarah “So I’m just suppose to stay in a miserable marriage?”
Paul “Marriage is a loyal partnership. Do you really think God would leave you with just two options? Misery or divorce? That’s a myth.”
Sarah “Well, children deserve to live in a home where their parents aren’t fighting all the time.”
Paul “Children deserve to live in a home where the parents learn to NOT fight with each other,…Sarah, you can get a divorce. That is an option that is certainly available to you, but you owe it to yourself and to your children to be honest about why you’re doing it.”
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Brent “Paul, why is this so hard?”
Paul “Well, did you think that turning your world upside down would be easy?”
Brent “Tons of people get divorced every day.”
Paul “That’s the point. None of this is gonna be easy. I mean, nobody wins in a divorce except the attorneys.”
Brent “This is tearing us apart.”
Paul “Well, that’s exactly what is supposed to be happening. Look, God develops this redemptive plan for the world, and divorce just tears at the heart of it.”
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Sarah “I felt so alone.”
Donovan “And you thought by divorcing your husband, that’s gonna make you feel less alone?”
Sarah “No, I just wanted Brent to prioritize our marriage and make me feel important as much as the kids and his job.”
Donovan ” And you thought by nagging him, by blaming him, by withholding your love and support for him…”
Sarah “I just wanted him to…”
Donavan “To what?”
Brent “To stand up. She just wanted me to stand up for us…Your honor, I thought the value of a man was measured by how hard he worked and how quickly he climbed the ladder of success. What’s funny is as soon as I got kicked off that ladder of success, the only thing I could think about was…my wife and kids.”
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“You should defend those who cannot help themselves.”
Standing for marriage starts out in an extremely confusing state. Emotions are all over the place, heavy fog a continual companion. And those nearest and dearest can feel the stander’s pain, truly well meant intentions. The human nature in all of us wants nothing more than to end the pain, no matter the cost.
The more I leaned into my relationship with God, the more my emotions settled. And once I made my decision to stand for the healing and restoration of my marriage until my last breath, then and only then did I enter the most calming state of peace, knowing I had made the right decision. Yes, it would be difficult, yes, I would be misunderstood, yes, I would be thought dipsy, but such peace, such amazing peace.
Standing for my marriage has brought me in contact with so many people, Christian as well as non-Christian, offering a mixture of responses when I explain what I am doing and why. At times, what I have said has caused emotions to flare, my not realizing just how much my personal decision, my conviction has touched buried, yet raw nerves concerning their own.
At other times, I have been pulled aside by a person who has chosen to get on with their life, only to have them tell me just how much they regret walking away, wishing they had chosen to stand for their marriage. Sadly, I recall two women whose husbands did return to their marriages. One man’s life was taken by cancer while the other man’s life was taken by suicide. Guilt, remorse, shame,…are cruel and unforgiving taskmasters.
In just about every encounter, the other person has typically taken what I have said about my own situation and applied their own emotions surrounding their own situation. These are the times I have found I must very quickly point out that what I am saying is about my own decision, I am not judging their decisions concerning their lives. Thankfully they just as quickly relax their stance, conviction and condemnation are so closely related and yet so, so very different.
“If a man divorces his wife and she goes from him and becomes another man’s wife, will he return to her? Would not that land be greatly polluted? You have played the whore with many lovers; and would you return to me? declares the Lord.”
~~~Jeremiah 3:1 (ESV)~~~
I find my thoughts returning to our wedding vows spoken with naive yet heartfelt conviction, “…to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, so help me God…” And I know I have made the right decision.
“Wedding Day August 6, 1983”
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The most rewarding yet most challenging relationship one will ever experience is that of being in a monogamous relationship called marriage, especially being committed for life. Charlyne Steinkamp attests to this in her very down to earth book entitled “The Spiritual Journey Toward A Healed Marriage“. Remember the traditional “…to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part…” Christian wedding vows?
Fortunately yet unfortunately, many of us were so giddy in love as we committed to our spouse and to God, sweetly and assuredly, and naively reciting these vows on our wedding day. Fortunately we really had no idea what lay ahead. And, unfortunately, our vows would be tested.
Sadly, life happens. Sadly, we are tested. Do we have the courage to rise to the challenge? Do we take our vows seriously? Are we really committed, ’til death do us part? What do we do when our spouse chooses to walk away?
Whether a couple goes through difficult times remaining married or whether one or both want to call it quits, doesn’t matter. Marriage, even after divorce, can be restored. Charlyne Steinkamp from Rejoice Marriage Ministries speaks from experience.
In her book entitled “The Spiritual Journey Toward a Healed Marriage” Charlyne Steinkamp so revealingly points out how “The church is not able to be the ‘critical care unit’ for the wounded and broken hearts, because divorce is so rampant in the church”. Sadly, this certainly seems to be the case. Granted there are verses found in scripture which make allowance for divorce. And we seem all too quick to jump to the conclusion that divorce is the only option. But is it really the best solution?
Charlyne and Bob Steinkamp married as any young and in love couple hopefully does, much in love. Unfortunately, after twenty very difficult years of marriage and three young children, Charlyne received pastorial counsel and made the decision to divorce Bob. Fortunately, she very quickly realized she had made a horrible mistake.
Marriages can be restored and marriages can be saved, even after divorce, and it only takes one spouse to recommit to those wedding vows in order to do so. This book can very easily be used as a devotional as it includes scriptural references and suggested prayers, and even an occasional “Bobservation” from her husband to better understand the spouse who wants to call it quits. And most of all Charlyne Steinkamp not only reveals how to heal and restore your marriage not through manipulative tactics, but through your relationship with God.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” Ephesians 5:31-33 (ESV).
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