Marital Issues

Rejoice Marriage Ministries continues to give an untold number of spouses the courage, connection, and biblical foundation to remain faithful and committed to their spouse and their covenant marriage vows. The following affirmation should be an attachment included within the wedding vows and should be reread along with the vows each time difficulties arise within marriage.

I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!

“I will not give up, give in, give out or give over ’til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words… in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad…so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down ’til the breakdown is torn down!

I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous… nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God’s real thing, nor will I seek to lower God’s standard, twist God’s will, rewrite God’s word, violate God’s covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!

In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God’s faithfulness.

I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.

I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up ’til my marriage is healed.”

~Author Unknown~

“Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him’,…So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

~~~Genesis 2:18, 21-25 (ESV)~~~

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Blessings!

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MARRIAGE STANDING

The Moment of Wholehearted Realization

April 23, 2021April 23, 2021 taylorjamesalbert

“The foremost question on the heart of any prodigal who ever gives thought to returning home is a simple one; ‘What’s different now?’ It does not matter if you are separated because of adultery, abuse, alcoholism, or any of the rest of the alphabet of causes, your spouse wants to know what has changed so that this nightmare will not repeat itself” Bob Steinkamp.

Granted most standing spouses are not to blame for their prodigal leaving the marriage, yet anyone who has chosen to stand for their marriage to be restored does come to the point where they also begin to take responsibility for their part in the marital issues.

While none of us initially realize we have our own issues which must be addressed, Rejoice Marriage Ministries compares the spouse who seemingly has chosen to walk away from their marriage with the parable told by Jesus of the prodigal son.

“And he said, A certain man had two sons: And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living. And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living. And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want. And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him.

And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father’s have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.

Now his elder son was in the field: and as he came and drew nigh to the house, he heard musick and dancing. And he called one of the servants, and asked what these things meant. And he said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf, because he hath received him safe and sound. And he was angry, and would not go in: therefore came his father out, and intreated him. And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends: But as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf. And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine. It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.”

~~~Luke 15:11-32 (KJV)~~~

Image by Sr. Maria-Magdalena R. from Pixabay

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Blessings!

This post may contain affiliate links for which I may earn compensation when you click on the links at no additional cost to you.

MARRIAGE STANDING

Selfish, Emotional, Nonsensical Crazy-Making, Yep! It Surprised Me, Too!

February 25, 2021February 25, 2021 taylorjamesalbert

When a couple goes through marital issues, poor decisions are often made, strike that, poor decisions are always made. While I did not divorce my husband, my crazy-making, in word and deed, led my amazing husband to want to run away from home, far, far away. I get it, yes,…now I get it. We have both apologized to each other and to our precious son, and healing is slowly but surely happening.

“It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house” Proverbs 21:9 (KJV).

Once I let go of my selfish, bitter, revengeful, angry, blaming, prideful,…pity me and poor me attitudes, I was finally able to love my husband in a deeper way, allowing me to see him as a tender, hurting, and severely damaged soul. You see, we fell head over heels in love way back, well I recorded in my journal that I had met the man of my dreams, was in love, and yes, ready to marry my future husband back on January 17th of 1982. It’s seems like just yesterday. I still feel the joy, excitement, and yes, the love.

What’s so difficult when it comes to marital issues is that it always looks like your better half has all the problems. Your emotions get the best of you causing you to begin seeing them as selfish and so, let the games begin. Funny, truth be told, you, yourself, are being selfish.

No, I’m not going to discount your or my spouse’s part to play in all of this nonsense, just pointing out how it wasn’t just my husband, but Moi as well who needed to get my head examined, my eyes check, and my heart cleansed of all selfishness.

“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (KJV).

We absolutely must stay on guard, watching out for those moments when we find ourselves thinking more about ourselves than about the relationship, the marriage. Marriage is about two people coming together, two people who have vowed to forsake all others and to commit to the bond, the unity created before God and family.

“And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand” Matthew 12:25 (KJV).

I can still hear that still small voice whispering in my ear of how a house divided cannot stand. Of course I couldn’t see how I was creating division in our marriage by becoming selfish. What I convinced myself of was how I was doing everything I possibly could to prevent such a division from occurring. I was on a mission, a mission commissioned by God no less. Crazy huh? This is how selfishness works and ultimately how selfishness causes us to lose every single time.

Thank God He does not quit on us. Thank God He is a God who forgives, forgets, heals and restores. I like to say God is a God of second-second chances. And for this I will forever be grateful.

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Blessings!

MARRIAGE STANDING

Why I Am Standing For My Marriage

January 28, 2021January 28, 2021 taylorjamesalbert

Despite all the ups and downs of marriage, family and life, I have always felt so secure, trusting my husband then as I still do now. It was such a shock when he seemingly and simply just walked away from our marriage and family. I spent months and months, and months in a daze.

I was working in the Deans Office at the university. We were only weeks away from our wedding date. An older woman working with me suggested I have a secret financial nest egg, should the need arise. I remember thinking, I don’t think so. My mother and my grandmothers had not done so, and neither would I. Besides, this young man who held my heart, was simply not the type.

While, at the time of my husband’s leaving, I had not heard about standing for marriage, I just knew I needed to remain committed to our marriage and family. I had no idea the process or the time frame. My brother-in-law asked me if I really thought my husband would come home. I responded most definitely, but it would take time.

As children we tend to wish to quickly grow up, to be unaware of all that is required in order to develop into a responsible adult with solid character traits. We innocently count the days until Christmas as if pushing time were possible. Time becomes an issue to us. God doesn’t require time, yet with our impatience we tend to think time is the problem, never realizing it is us and not God, slowing the process.

Whenever a couple has marital issues, one spouse tends to selfishly believe the other spouse is the problem. The other spouse is the one who needs fixing. We simply cannot see our need to change. We pridefully tend to think we have God’s permission to manipulate our spouse, never considering how we too, are not as we should be. It’s not about getting even, revenge, fixing them or proving I’m right and you are wrong.

We simply cannot see how God wants to work on us first, cleansing our hearts of all selfish nonsense. Standing is not about fixing your spouse. Standing is first and foremost about an intimate, up close and personal relationship with God. It is then and only then, as we come to realize just how much love, grace, and forgiveness He has for us, that we too, can offer our better half the same love, grace, and forgiveness.

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“Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again” Matthew 7:1-2 (KJV).

“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye” Matthew 7:3-5 (KJV).

Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and subscribing to my blog. Blessings! Taylor

CONFIDENTIAL ENCOURAGER, MARRIAGE STANDING

My Standing for Marriage Search for a Confidential Encourager

September 13, 2020September 16, 2020 taylorjamesalbert

Yes, I definitely think it is important to get ‘counseling’ when dealing with marital issues, during and after, but not marriage counseling necessarily, and certainly not divorce recovery. A couple preparing to walk down the aisle together most certainly should experience intensive marriage counseling, the kind that teaches you all about each other as well as God’s plan and purpose for marriage. And, should red flag issues become apparent during marriage counseling, be prayerfully and boldly willing to make the decision to NOT get married. Despite the fact I have shared my standing with different counselors, even preachers and devoted Christian friends, I must admit I continued to struggle to find a perfect fit, a genuine Confidential Encourager. I longed to find someone who:

I could afford

was a good listener

offered valuable insight

knew how to ask thought provoking questions

I felt I could trust

was a devoted Christian

understood the difference between a relationship with God vs being religious

understood the concept of standing

understood prodigals are not just repentant sons

had been married to the same person for many years

encouraged standing vs divorce recovery

focused on God’s perspective of marriage

didn’t use all the psycho babble terms

honestly believed in marriage for life

believed not just in putting our requests before God, but who understood the power behind not just praying, but praying and believing with thanksgiving.

“…do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV).

I longed to find a Confidential Encourager who believed in the sanctity of a God-ordained covenant marriage.

If I can offer my Confidential Encourager insight into your marital concerns, please feel free to email me: taylorjamesalbert@aol.com for a complimentary consultation.

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CONFIDENTIAL ENCOURAGER

It’s Time For Tea! Feel Like Chatting?

September 13, 2020January 1, 2021 taylorjamesalbert

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” Galatians 6:2 (ESV)

On this roller coaster ride called life, our emotions can sometimes get very messy. We find ourselves wishing for someone to listen to us as we untangle our thoughts. Family and friends may mean well, but do we really want to share our deepest emotions with those closest to us? These are the times we need someone who will listen without judging and interpret without being opinionated, a sounding board, a sage, a wise soul, an imaginary friend, someone who we can trust: a Confidential Encourager.

While I am thankful I have a college education, much of the wisdom I have learned has come not from within the classroom, but from life itself. With motherhood and thirty-plus years of marriage, and a growing relationship with my Lord and Savior, I have learned so much about emotions, relationships, and how marriage and family best function.

So while you may think of me as a coach, a mentor, an older sister,…I have been blessed with a listening ear and prefer to be called a “Confidential Encourager”, offering a safe place to talk as well as be encouraged by my insight.

If you have found this post to be of interest and would like to read more of what I have written, please feel free to view other posts on my blog. I am also in the midst of writing a book for people who are struggling in their marriage or are dealing with the after effects of their marital issues.

God has taken me on the most amazing wilderness journey for which I will be eternally grateful. So, while we excitedly await the publication of my standing for marriage book, please pray for its completion and the opportunity to share it with as many hearts as is possible.

In the meantime, let’s chat. You share and I’ll listen. For a complimentary Tea Time please email me: taylorjamesalbert@aol.com. I look forward to hearing from you!