Why I Am Standing For My Marriage

Despite all the ups and downs of marriage, family and life, I have always felt so secure, trusting my husband then as I still do now. It was such a shock when he seemingly and simply just walked away from our marriage and family. I spent months and months, and months in a daze.

I was working in the Deans Office at the university. We were only weeks away from our wedding date. An older woman working with me suggested I have a secret financial nest egg, should the need arise. I remember thinking, I don’t think so. My mother and my grandmothers had not done so, and neither would I. Besides, this young man who held my heart, was simply not the type.

While, at the time of my husband’s leaving, I had not heard about standing for marriage, I just knew I needed to remain committed to our marriage and family. I had no idea the process or the time frame. My brother-in-law asked me if I really thought my husband would come home. I responded most definitely, but it would take time.

As children we tend to wish to quickly grow up, to be unaware of all that is required in order to develop into a responsible adult with solid character traits. We innocently count the days until Christmas as if pushing time were possible. Time becomes an issue to us. God doesn’t require time, yet with our impatience we tend to think time is the problem, never realizing it is us and not God, slowing the process.

Whenever a couple has marital issues, one spouse tends to selfishly believe the other spouse is the problem. The other spouse is the one who needs fixing. We simply cannot see our need to change. We pridefully tend to think we have God’s permission to manipulate our spouse, never considering how we too, are not as we should be. It’s not about getting even, revenge, fixing them or proving I’m right and you are wrong.

We simply cannot see how God wants to work on us first, cleansing our hearts of all selfish nonsense. Standing is not about fixing your spouse. Standing is first and foremost about an intimate, up close and personal relationship with God. It is then and only then, as we come to realize just how much love, grace, and forgiveness He has for us, that we too, can offer our better half the same love, grace, and forgiveness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again” Matthew 7:1-2 (KJV).

“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye” Matthew 7:3-5 (KJV).

Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and subscribing to my blog. Blessings! Taylor

MARRIAGE STANDING

Confusion: Hating Your Spouse…Not!

January 23, 2021January 23, 2021 taylorjamesalbert

Standing for marriage can often be a very misunderstood concept, especially by those closest to the stander,…and especially by the stander’s wayward spouse. Take heart. It’s okay.

“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

~~~Malachi 2:16 (ESV)~~~

Bob Steinkamp knew first hand what it meant to be considered a wayward or prodigal spouse. After years of marriage cloud covered by Bob’s unfaithfulness, camouflaged by his anger, Charlyne took counsel and divorced her husband and father of their three children. Only by the grace of God did she very quickly come to repent of her mistake. Yes, mistake.

“…with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

~~~Ephesians 4:2-3 (ESV)~~~

Rejoice Marriage Ministries was birthed from Bob & Charlyne’s marital chaos which thankfully resulted in their remarrying and rediscovering what marriage is truly all about.

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.”

~~~1 Corinthians 13:4-6 (ESV)~~~

Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and subscribing to my blog. Blessings!

MARRIAGE STANDING

‘Til Death Do We Part Wedding Vows & Wedded Bliss, “I Do…Maybe”

November 20, 2020December 31, 2020 taylorjamesalbert

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed” Genesis 2:24-25 (ESV).

Ah, so you have fallen in love and simply cannot live without each other. Wonderful! What a grand celebration the wedding. Before God, family and friends, with glazed over eyes you and the love of your life commit to love, honor, cherish,…’til death do you part. But do you really mean it?

Being married is so much more than just a grand celebration and honeymoon. Being married is a commitment to forsake all others, even self, putting your spouse’s needs at the top of your priority list for the rest of your life. As you exchanged rings, sealing your commitment with a kiss, with God, family and friends as your witnesses, those vows were not a contractual agreement, but thankfully a covenant, a covenant for life.

Contractual agreements are strictly business agreements. These signed documents are a quiet yet loud way of saying we will, if we deem necessary, pursue our legal options against each other. In truth, the bottom line reasoning behind a contractual business agreement is monetary. In bygone days a handshake was sufficient to create a contractual agreement between business partners to indicate our spoken words would be kept. Just as a side note, reading chapter four of the book of Ruth, in order for Boaz to buy all that belonged to Naomi as well as take Ruth as his wife, in front of witnesses the kinsman-redeemer (with first right of refusal) took off his sandal, giving it to Boaz. Unfortunately, a trusted handshake is somehow no longer adequate, any more than the exchanging of sandals.

Sadly, too often our wedding vows have been reduced to nothing more than a contractual agreement with the prenuptial agreement escape clause attached. And, even if there isn’t a premarital agreement, we have reduced our commitment to either the option of staying within the marriage in name only, to seeking the legal escape of filing for divorce. Why? Didn’t we mean what we said? Didn’t we take seriously the responsibility of unconditionally loving our spouse, committing to each other and to God, to keep what’s between us and God between us and God? Didn’t we understand what our vows truly meant?

Not for a second am I saying marriage is easy any more than I would say life is always easy. Whether marriage and life are easy or not, is simply not the point. Truth be told, should your marriage be easy, very likely you and your spouse are missing out on the wonderful opportunities only discovered when the couple navigates through not just the good times, but especially the difficult times of life together. This is what a committed covenant marriage is about and how, over the course of a lifetime, it is created. No other relationship exists which can compare, ever.

While we may not truly grasp the depth of our commitment as we lovingly and naively yet sincerely recite our wedding vows, it is this commitment which allows a deep trust, knowing we will never turn our backs on each other despite the unknown future which most certainly lies ahead. This is what wedding vows are all about and how marital bliss develops. This is the deep peace which can only be discovered by those who truly are committed to loving the most important person in their life, ’til death do we part. This is true love and this is wedded bliss.

Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and subscribing to my blog.

BOOK REVIEWS, INSPIRATIONAL

We Each Have a Story: Karen Evans’ “From Pain To Paradise: The Story of How God Transformed My Life & Marriage from Brokenness to Blessing”

May 13, 2020June 3, 2020 taylorjamesalbert

We each have a story to tell. Retelling our own story offers others hope as it gently reminds us of not just how far we’ve come, but of the grace of God for His gentle and continued guidance throughout our journey. And, as is often the case, our story is not just about us and us alone.

“From Pain to Paradise: The Story of How God Transformed My Life & Marriage from Brokenness to Blessing ” is Karen Evans’ story of healing, not just of her own identity but that of her marriage as well. Falling in love with the man of her dreams also meant she would be taking on his own well hidden identity issues. And so throughout her retelling, she weaves aspects of her husband’s own story of healing.

This is not a revengeful tell-all, but a story of redemption. And while Karen Evans spent time being very frustrated and angry she also knew just how deeply she loved her husband. But to love her husband as she desired, she would learn not only to first love God, but of His love for her.

I enjoy reading another person’s story of healing especially when it is told with complete transparency. Karen Evans does just this ever so naturally and honestly. It is not told from the perspective of a bitter wife as she intentionally exposes all her husband’s deep and dark secrets, but as a wife who dearly loves her husband.

While Karen doesn’t directly offer a list of do’s and don’t for a closer relationship with ones spouse, she so expertly offers wisdom applicable to any marriage. Her story is told from the perspective of a Christian woman who desires to find her true value in her relationship with God as she realizes this is also the key to her identity and marriage.

Karen has been married to Jimmy Evans for well over forty years. Together they are the founders of Marriage Today Ministries, where they not only offer help for marriages, but candidly share their struggles within their own marriage.

Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media, and subscribing to my blog.

This post may contain affiliate links for which we may earn compensation when you click on the links at no additional cost to you.

BOOK REVIEWS, INSPIRATIONAL

Prodigals Do Come Home: Karen Wheaton’s “Watching The Road: Praying Your Prodigal Home”

May 13, 2020June 3, 2020 taylorjamesalbert

When I think of the term prodigal I envision a young man, on the verge of adulthood, who had become full of himself and unappreciative of what his father has provided. Yes, I think of the prodigal son found in the gospel of Luke, chapter fifteen. In short the son demanded his share of his father’s wealth only to very quickly end up penniless and destitute having wasted this wealth on riotous living. We are quick to view this sad situation from a financial standpoint, but obviously it was more character and morals issues at the root of it all. But alas, I digress.

Prodigals are not always frustrated teens bent on bucking their parents’ disciplined way of life, but are also wayward husbands and wives as well. Karen Wheaton’s book entitled “Watching The Road: Praying Your Prodigal Home” is a testament to just this. Yes, it is a story about her daughter, Lindsay Doss, who chose to walk away from Karen Wheaton and her family. It is also about Lindsay choosing to walk away from her marriage and children. It is a story about how Lindsay seemingly chose to walk away from everything she knew and everyone she loved.

“Watching The Road” is told from Karen Wheaton’s perspective as she searches for the truth, trusting God to not only return her daughter, Lindsay, to her, but to heal and restore Lindsay’s marriage and family. This is the story of a determined and devoted godly woman as she perseveres, refusing to give up. Karen Wheaton walks her reader through her journey of praying and interceding for her daughter’s return. Hidden throughout the pages are the secrets to having the kind of faith which not only endures but grows as it reveals not only the progression of a prodigal’s journey, but just how amazing God truly is to those He loves.

Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media, and subscribing to my blog.

This post may contain affiliate links for which we may earn compensation when you click on the links at no additional cost to you.

BOOK REVIEWS, INSPIRATIONAL, MARRIAGE STANDING

When A Spouse Walks: Charlyne Steinkamp’s “The Spiritual Journey Toward A Healed Marriage”

May 7, 2020December 27, 2020 taylorjamesalbert

The most rewarding yet most challenging relationship one will ever experience is that of being in a monogamous relationship called marriage, especially being committed for life. Charlyne Steinkamp attests to this in her very down to earth book entitled “The Spiritual Journey Toward A Healed Marriage“. Remember the traditional “…to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part…” Christian wedding vows?

Fortunately yet unfortunately, many of us were so giddy in love as we committed to our spouse and to God, sweetly and assuredly, and naively reciting these vows on our wedding day. Fortunately we really had no idea what lay ahead. And, unfortunately, our vows would be tested.

Sadly, life happens. Sadly, we are tested. Do we have the courage to rise to the challenge? Do we take our vows seriously? Are we really committed, ’til death do us part? What do we do when our spouse chooses to walk away?

Whether a couple goes through difficult times remaining married or whether one or both want to call it quits, doesn’t matter. Marriage, even after divorce, can be restored. Charlyne Steinkamp from Rejoice Marriage Ministries speaks from experience.

In her book entitled “The Spiritual Journey Toward a Healed Marriage” Charlyne Steinkamp so revealingly points out how “The church is not able to be the ‘critical care unit’ for the wounded and broken hearts, because divorce is so rampant in the church”. Sadly, this certainly seems to be the case. Granted there are verses found in scripture which make allowance for divorce. And we seem all too quick to jump to the conclusion that divorce is the only option. But is it really the best solution?

Charlyne and Bob Steinkamp married as any young and in love couple hopefully does, much in love. Unfortunately, after twenty very difficult years of marriage and three young children, Charlyne received pastorial counsel and made the decision to divorce Bob. Fortunately, she very quickly realized she had made a horrible mistake.

Marriages can be restored and marriages can be saved, even after divorce, and it only takes one spouse to recommit to those wedding vows in order to do so. This book can very easily be used as a devotional as it includes scriptural references and suggested prayers, and even an occasional “Bobservation” from her husband to better understand the spouse who wants to call it quits. And most of all Charlyne Steinkamp not only reveals how to heal and restore your marriage not through manipulative tactics, but through your relationship with God.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” Ephesians 5:31-33 (ESV).

Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media, and subscribing to my blog.

HOME

Christian Gentleman: A Fine Man Indeed!

April 30, 2020September 28, 2020 taylorjamesalbert

I met my wonderful husband nearly thirty-eight years ago. Rereading letters my grandmother wrote to me while I was away at college makes it feel so fresh in my mind. Falling in love is amazing!

In one letter she writes “Then the most rewarding and most wonderful of all, in your last year of college-Darrin, comes into your life. I’m sure every girl dreams of just the ‘right man’ and I’m sure every mother, grandmother, and special friends also hope and pray for just the ‘right man’ to come into their special child’s life, special-as you girls have been to me-and I do thank God for Darrin in your life. You are both very special young people-When I got a letter that went something like this “Darrin has so many fine qualities-and none of the other guys I’ve dated can even compare to him!” I thought “I think this is it”-and then I came to know him-how wonderful it all is. God watches over and guides those He loves-you know”.

She continues “I’m sure there are many girls in the world who wish they had what you have-Nothing is more wonderful in a woman’s life than knowing she has the love and respect of a fine man-May sound queer for an old woman of seventy-four to say, but that I believe and know from experience; my mother always said a woman who was not “what she should be” had ruined the life of many a man. And I am happy in the fact that you do love and respect Darrin so much and that is good! He is what I call a “Christian Gentleman” and that covers about everything, and you are a beautiful girl, I mean character, habits, thoughts, etc.,…I am so proud of both of you-you both seem mature which is a quality I like”.

What more can I say? My husband is the most amazing and wonderful man I know. And I agree with my grandmother referring to him as being a “Christian Gentleman”. A fine man indeed!

Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and subscribing to my blog.

MARRIAGE STANDING

Our Fixing Begins with Me: “Marriage Fitness with Mort Fertel”

March 12, 2020April 1, 2021 taylorjamesalbert

My efforts to work on my ‘fixing’ as Mort Fertel, Marriage Fitness expert, likes to call it, has been rewarding to say the least. There are no shortcuts to a healthy marriage. Those three-easy-steps methods will not do it, certainly not long term anyway. However, it only takes one spouse to make this decision, to stay focused and committed, to believe and dream of the future.

As Mort Fertel has pointed out, it is not a spouse choosing to have an affair that causes marital problems, but it is marital problems which lead a spouse to have an affair. And as Mort also points out, marital problems don’t just all of a sudden happen, but have been brewing for many, many years. Certainly we had the typical relationship issues to figure out as any young couple does. And it is absolutely staggering, all the crazy stuff we have survived during our thirty plus years of marriage. An affair is just one more of those crazy things to work through together.

My initial efforts to work on myself and our marriage led my husband to understandably think I had a selfish plan. Lots of things had been said, misunderstood and repeated. Despite our dysfunctional marriage and family issues, I love my husband and would never leave him. However, all my initial crazymaking attempts to fix our marriage (translation; fix my husband) only led him to fear my rejection.

Despite my husband being the man of my dreams I certainly was not honoring and respecting him as I knew I should. I was no longer the independent college girl who he fell in love with. I wasn’t fun to be with anymore. No, this was not what either of us signed up for when we fell in love and married, dreaming of a life together. And this is exactly why I made the decision to not only work on my “fixing” but to work on healing our marriage.

Why, being so madly in love did we gradually get to where we couldn’t relate, couldn’t really connect anymore? Nothing is right in a person’s world, no matter how much money in the bank, no matter how healthy, no matter how many friends, no matter what, if the most important relationship is not what it should be. Again, I must give Mort credit for this powerfully accurate thought.

So what, an affair is part of our story. Some people go through several affairs before they decide to get off the merry-go-round of rebound relationships and get on home where they know they belong. While I am praying my husband’s affair has ended, I am also preparing for his return. I have no reason to ask details surrounding his time away, only what he feels convicted to share with me. Too many details about his affair will only leave haunting images that serve no productive purpose. Again, thank you, Mort, for teaching us this.

I choose to view my husband’s affair as a major warning sign he was hurting even more than I realized and we were in deeper trouble than what most of those fix-yourself-relationship books could handle (Christian or otherwise). I choose to dig deeper, to work on my own fixing. I choose to forgive and ask forgiveness.

And, I choose to continue to be thankful for my husband who, after all these years, has finally been able to speak out and admit he too is a very emotionally caring person, he too has a very tender heart. What’s not to love about a man such as my husband who is brave enough to admit he is a real man, emotions and all.

Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media, and subscribing to my blog.

Blessings!

This post may contain affiliate links for which I may earn compensation when you click on the links at no additional cost to you.

HOME

Impressioning: My Mother

February 22, 2020September 1, 2020 taylorjamesalbert

I was rummaging through old cards and letters I didn’t even realize my parents still had. I came upon a letter I had written to Mother on her birthday. I really don’t remember writing this letter. I do however, remember being single and a college student at the time.

I have read and reread this letter over the last couple days. I’ve shed many tears, tears being released by all the memories which are coming back to me. And I wanted to share what I wrote to her with you. Many of you are blessed to have such a mother. Many of you may not be. Please remember though, we all have the potential to be this type of mother. It may not be to our own children even, but there is someone out there who surely is in need of your mothering, your unconditional love. Enjoy!

Dear Mother, There aren’t enough opportunities to express the thoughts that occur in the passing of my day. But as I struggle to mature into the person whom you, Dad, and God desire me, I find myself ‘impressioning’ a very beautiful person-that person is you. When you were my age, I was only occurring. Being a mother is very special and my ultimate goal is to be a good mother and wife and I know that I will look back at the manner in which you and Dad reared us. For now though, the Lord is leading me elsewhere, I only pray that I am interpreting his will correctly. His will is all I desire. My life is so confusing, I become frightened, and goof thing up. I wonder how and WHY God would use me-or even want to use me!! But I look at Moses, for one and how doubtful he was. God certainly used him. Life is difficult to understand, but having a Christian home and family is something I am thankful for and do find a security in. Never change, just keep getting better! And pray for me. I know you don’t always agree with the ways I do things, but take those things with a grain of salt. Mother, I just want to wish you a very Happy Birthday and thank you for being someone whom I can impression myself after. Love you always.

Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media, and subscribing to my blog.

This post may contain affiliate links for which we may earn compensation when you click on the links at no additional cost to you.

INSPIRATIONAL

Waiting For God

February 16, 2020December 18, 2020 taylorjamesalbert

I realize there is a dry humored and extremely funny British sitcom called “Waiting For God” which aired in the early nineties. Of course it is about those who are in their retirement years, making the best of it as they wait for God to grant them their final rest. Recently I have discovered we need to wait for God, but in another way.

Our world is bent on taking advantage of every second of every hour, filling it with what we consider to be productive activities. Our goal seems to be somewhat like a race. This race we gradually entered as teens, then college preparation, then hitting it hard climbing the ladder of success. Success being a nice home and other acquired possessions, marriage and family, position in our choice of career,…and of course the financial means necessary to have all of this and more. How do we do this? By what we consider to be productive activities.

At the end of this race we hope to have acquired everything and more. At the end of this race we enter the retirement years. At the end of this race we celebrate this monumental milestone, but only for a moment. We very quickly begin to reflect. Where did time go? Was it all worth it? What about the regrets, the sacrifices and fallout, the wrong decisions,…the emptiness.

Not for one second am I saying we should not be productive and have proof of our productivity. Each and every one of us has specific God-given purposes and have been given specific gifts and passions with which to fulfill our purposes in life. But maybe, just maybe we should slow down a bit, pace ourselves throughout this race, and wait for God to guide us along the way. And maybe, just maybe, during those quiet contemplative moments with God we come to realize what’s really important. In doing so we still are able to attain the good life we desired, but without the need to fill every second of every hour with ‘productive activity’ followed by making peace with our past regrets.

Instead we slow down, “smell the roses”, we take the time to look up and grasp the awesomeness of God’s creation. We notice the twinkle in our child’s eye for the first time in a long time. We really feel the love of our spouse and our heart begins to swell. And then we begin to relax a bit. We begin to desire subtle changes in how we think and how we behave. We promise ourselves to not waste another second of our time on empty and hollow pursuits. We come to realize relationships with those closest to us have now become our priority once and for all. And we relish our quiet moments of waiting for God.