“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”
~~~Exodus 14:14 (ESV)~~~
“Yes, each of us who find ourselves in the midst of a family breakup, wonder what is next? Know this, that your Heavenly Father feels your pain. He knows your doubts. He knows what is going on in your spouse. Trust Him. He will never fail you. Just remember that His timing is different than yours. Don’t put any time restraints on your prayer requests. Our Heavenly Father is all powerful. Again I say, He understands your situation and that of your spouse. Only He, through the Holy Spirit, can change the heart and mind of your spouse. In like manner, during the time you and your spouse are apart (emotionally and physically), the Holy Spirit will work on your heart and mind doing a much needed tune-up.” Ben in Texas from Rejoice Marriage Ministries.
“The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest.”
“Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].”
~~~1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (AMPC)~~~
“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
~~~Mark 10:9 (KJV)~~~
“Keep your eyes open, hold tight to your convictions, give it all you’ve got, be resolute, and love without stopping.”
~~~1 Corinthians 16:14 (MSG)~~~
Happy 38th Wedding Anniversary Darling!
Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and buying me a coffee.
Blessings!
This post may contain affiliate links for which I may earn compensation when you click on the links, at no additional cost to you.
Charlyne Steinkamp “You are being attacked because you are walking with your Lord on the narrow road of righteousness”.
“Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.”
Ultimately, just as the stander learns, the returning prodigal spouse comes to realize just what unconditional love is truly all about. Bob Steinkamp of Rejoice Marriage Ministries wrote of his attempts to “push her buttons”, that of his standing wife, Charlyne, in an attempt to provoke her to lash out at him. Was she really changing her ways? Or were these changes in her character simply more of her manipulative methods that Bob could use to justify his own selfish behaviors. In reality he was testing the waters to see if Charlyne truly had had the heart change he was beginning to notice.
To better understand a spouse who leaves the marriage, it has become common to compare them with the story of the prodigal son found in Luke 15:11-24 (GNV):
“He said moreover, A certain man had two sons, And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of the goods that falleth to me. So he divided unto them his substance. So not many days after, when the younger son had gathered all together, he took his journey into a far country, and there he wasted his goods with riotous living.
Now when he had spent all, there arose a great dearth throughout that land, and he began to be in necessity. Then he went and clave to a citizen of that country, and he sent him to his farm, to feed swine. And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine ate: but no man gave them him.
Then he came to himself, and said, How many hired servants at my father’s have bread enough, and I die for hunger? I will rise and go to my father, and say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thine hired servants.
So he arose and came to his father, and when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.
Then the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet, And bring the fat calf, and kill him, and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again: and he was lost, but he is found. And they began to be merry.”
If I remember correctly it was also Bob who spoke of the “Three C’s” of transformation evident in a prodigal spouse as they make their way back home. He explained the “Three C’s” of transformation were first that of being critical, followed by curious, and lastly that of being convicted.
Interestingly enough, the stander must first experience their own heartfelt and transformative stages as well. This is how unconditional love opens the door, welcoming home the prodigal spouse. This is how unconditional love changes everything.
Standing for marriage starts out in an extremely confusing state. Emotions are all over the place, heavy fog a continual companion. And those nearest and dearest can feel the stander’s pain, truly well meant intentions. The human nature in all of us wants nothing more than to end the pain, no matter the cost.
The more I leaned into my relationship with God, the more my emotions settled. And once I made my decision to stand for the healing and restoration of my marriage until my last breath, then and only then did I enter the most calming state of peace, knowing I had made the right decision. Yes, it would be difficult, yes, I would be misunderstood, yes, I would be thought dipsy, but such peace, such amazing peace.
Standing for my marriage has brought me in contact with so many people, Christian as well as non-Christian, offering a mixture of responses when I explain what I am doing and why. At times, what I have said has caused emotions to flare, my not realizing just how much my personal decision, my conviction has touched buried, yet raw nerves concerning their own.
At other times, I have been pulled aside by a person who has chosen to get on with their life, only to have them tell me just how much they regret walking away, wishing they had chosen to stand for their marriage. Sadly, I recall two women whose husbands did return to their marriages. One man’s life was taken by cancer while the other man’s life was taken by suicide. Guilt, remorse, shame,…are cruel and unforgiving taskmasters.
In just about every encounter, the other person has typically taken what I have said about my own situation and applied their own emotions surrounding their own situation. These are the times I have found I must very quickly point out that what I am saying is about my own decision, I am not judging their decisions concerning their lives. Thankfully they just as quickly relax their stance, conviction and condemnation are so closely related and yet so, so very different.
“If a man divorces his wife and she goes from him and becomes another man’s wife, will he return to her? Would not that land be greatly polluted? You have played the whore with many lovers; and would you return to me? declares the Lord.”
~~~Jeremiah 3:1 (ESV)~~~
I find my thoughts returning to our wedding vows spoken with naive yet heartfelt conviction, “…to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, so help me God…” And I know I have made the right decision.
“Wedding Day August 6, 1983”
Hope you have enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and subscribing to my blog.
Despite all the ups and downs of marriage, family and life, I have always felt so secure, trusting my husband then as I still do now. It was such a shock when he seemingly and simply just walked away from our marriage and family. I spent months and months, and months in a daze.
I was working in the Deans Office at the university. We were only weeks away from our wedding date. An older woman working with me suggested I have a secret financial nest egg, should the need arise. I remember thinking, I don’t think so. My mother and my grandmothers had not done so, and neither would I. Besides, this young man who held my heart, was simply not the type.
While, at the time of my husband’s leaving, I had not heard about standing for marriage, I just knew I needed to remain committed to our marriage and family. I had no idea the process or the time frame. My brother-in-law asked me if I really thought my husband would come home. I responded most definitely, but it would take time.
As children we tend to wish to quickly grow up, to be unaware of all that is required in order to develop into a responsible adult with solid character traits. We innocently count the days until Christmas as if pushing time were possible. Time becomes an issue to us. God doesn’t require time, yet with our impatience we tend to think time is the problem, never realizing it is us and not God, slowing the process.
Whenever a couple has marital issues, one spouse tends to selfishly believe the other spouse is the problem. The other spouse is the one who needs fixing. We simply cannot see our need to change. We pridefully tend to think we have God’s permission to manipulate our spouse, never considering how we too, are not as we should be. It’s not about getting even, revenge, fixing them or proving I’m right and you are wrong.
We simply cannot see how God wants to work on us first, cleansing our hearts of all selfish nonsense. Standing is not about fixing your spouse. Standing is first and foremost about an intimate, up close and personal relationship with God. It is then and only then, as we come to realize just how much love, grace, and forgiveness He has for us, that we too, can offer our better half the same love, grace, and forgiveness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again” Matthew 7:1-2 (KJV).
“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye” Matthew 7:3-5 (KJV).
Family Photos: “Mr & Mrs”
Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and subscribing to my blog. Blessings! Taylor
Standing for marriage can often be a very misunderstood concept, especially by those closest to the stander,…and especially by the stander’s wayward spouse. Take heart. It’s okay.
“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”
~~~Malachi 2:16 (ESV)~~~
Bob Steinkamp knew first hand what it meant to be considered a wayward or prodigal spouse. After years of marriage cloud covered by Bob’s unfaithfulness, camouflaged by his anger, Charlyne took counsel and divorced her husband and father of their three children. Only by the grace of God did she very quickly come to repent of her mistake. Yes, mistake.
“…with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
~~~Ephesians 4:2-3 (ESV)~~~
Rejoice Marriage Ministries was birthed from Bob & Charlyne’s marital chaos which thankfully resulted in their remarrying and rediscovering what marriage is truly all about.
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.”
While standing for marriage is not new, it is a somewhat misunderstood and often very lonely experience. Having discovered Rejoice Marriage Ministries brought like-minded men and women into my life, if only from afar. While returned prodigal, Bob Steinkamp, has been in Heaven now for several years, Charlyne Steinkamp and family faithfully continue on with the ministry which God forged from their own marital issues and eventual restoration.
Bob Steinkamp wrote a fictional Christmas story about standing for marriage which allows us to see inside not only the stander’s heart, but the prodigal’s as well. While my heart is warmed each time I reread “Millie’s Christmas”, I no longer find my heart aching as it once did, largely due in part to Rejoice Marriage Ministries. With much appreciation to Rejoice Marriage Ministries and their generously allowing me to share, please take a moment to read this light yet heartwarming story of a prodigal spouse’s holiday homecoming.
“Empty & Alone” by Deb E
Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and subscribing to my blog.
Yes, I definitely think it is important to get ‘counseling’ when dealing with marital issues, during and after, but not marriage counseling necessarily, and certainly not divorce recovery. A couple preparing to walk down the aisle together most certainly should experience intensive marriage counseling, the kind that teaches you all about each other as well as God’s plan and purpose for marriage. And, should red flag issues become apparent during marriage counseling, be prayerfully and boldly willing to make the decision to NOT get married. Despite the fact I have shared my standing with different counselors, even preachers and devoted Christian friends, I must admit I continued to struggle to find a perfect fit, a genuine Confidential Encourager. I longed to find someone who:
I could afford
was a good listener
offered valuable insight
knew how to ask thought provoking questions
I felt I could trust
was a devoted Christian
understood the difference between a relationship with God vs being religious
understood the concept of standing
understood prodigals are not just repentant sons
had been married to the same person for many years
encouraged standing vs divorce recovery
focused on God’s perspective of marriage
didn’t use all the psycho babble terms
honestly believed in marriage for life
believed not just in putting our requests before God, but who understood the power behind not just praying, but praying and believing with thanksgiving.
“…do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV).
I longed to find a Confidential Encourager who believed in the sanctity of a God-ordained covenant marriage.
If I can offer my Confidential Encourager insight into your marital concerns, please feel free to email me: taylorjamesalbert@aol.com for a complimentary consultation.
Photo Credit: Ernesto Alvarez
Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and subscribing to my blog.
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” Galatians 6:2 (ESV)
On this roller coaster ride called life, our emotions can sometimes get very messy. We find ourselves wishing for someone to listen to us as we untangle our thoughts. Family and friends may mean well, but do we really want to share our deepest emotions with those closest to us? These are the times we need someone who will listen without judging and interpret without being opinionated, a sounding board, a sage, a wise soul, an imaginary friend, someone who we can trust: a Confidential Encourager.
While I am thankful I have a college education, much of the wisdom I have learned has come not from within the classroom, but from life itself. With motherhood and thirty-plus years of marriage, and a growing relationship with my Lord and Savior, I have learned so much about emotions, relationships, and how marriage and family best function.
So while you may think of me as a coach, a mentor, an older sister,…I have been blessed with a listening ear and prefer to be called a “Confidential Encourager”, offering a safe place to talk as well as be encouraged by my insight.
If you have found this post to be of interest and would like to read more of what I have written, please feel free to view other posts on my blog. I am also in the midst of writing a book for people who are struggling in their marriage or are dealing with the after effects of their marital issues.
God has taken me on the most amazing wilderness journey for which I will be eternally grateful. So, while we excitedly await the publication of my standing for marriage book, please pray for its completion and the opportunity to share it with as many hearts as is possible.
In the meantime, let’s chat. You share and I’ll listen. For a complimentary Tea Time please email me: taylorjamesalbert@aol.com. I look forward to hearing from you!
Photo Credit: Izabelle Acheson
Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and subscribing to my blog.
