“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
~~~1 Peter 5:8 (NIV)~~~
The Miraculous Life “And He always points me to the wedge when you’re cutting firewood. And I don’t know if anybody’s chopped firewood before, but you have this big, strong log. And you take this wedge and you pound this wedge into this big log. And it’s amazing how this very tiny point of a tip is the thing that makes the inroad. It gets in there just a little bit. And as it further goes down it creates greater and greater separation, so much so that this big log splits in two. And I believe that’s the way many mundane, everyday circumstances are happening that priorities begin to get out of wack. We begin to not care or nurture for this most precious relationship called marriage the way that we should”.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
“Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].”
~~~1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (AMPC)~~~
“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
~~~Mark 10:9 (KJV)~~~
“Keep your eyes open, hold tight to your convictions, give it all you’ve got, be resolute, and love without stopping.”
~~~1 Corinthians 16:14 (MSG)~~~
Happy 38th Wedding Anniversary Darling!
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Blessings!
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Rejoice Marriage Ministries continues to give an untold number of spouses the courage, connection, and biblical foundation to remain faithful and committed to their spouse and their covenant marriage vows. The following affirmation should be an attachment included within the wedding vows and should be reread along with the vows each time difficulties arise within marriage.
I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!
“I will not give up, give in, give out or give over ’til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words… in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad…so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down ’til the breakdown is torn down!
I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous… nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God’s real thing, nor will I seek to lower God’s standard, twist God’s will, rewrite God’s word, violate God’s covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!
In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God’s faithfulness.
I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.
I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up ’til my marriage is healed.”
“Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him’,…So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”
“We’ll all get over our divorce” is such a well intended yet foolish statement made by a person who either doesn’t really have a clue about the devastations of divorce, doesn’t really care about the devastations of divorce, or wants to merely pretend to themselves and those closest to them, especially the children (no matter the ages) involved that divorce has no destructive repercussions. Have you honestly stopped to take a good look ALL around you!?!
How I wish I had a dollar for every time someone has said to me that I just needed to get on with my life. I especially remember hearing this early on and wondering just what it was they were telling me to move on from. Crazy as it sounded then and still does, those who had my best interest at heart were trying to introduce me to someone nice, someone good looking, someone wealthy, someone whatever,…Often this was done all the while vehemently listing all my husband’s narcissistic tendencies, why he could not be trusted ever again, how he was incapable of changing, how he isn’t deserving of me,…even how my being revengeful is justified. Don’t think so. And yes, change happens all the time and can be a good thing, a very good thing.
“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new” 2 Corinthians 5:17 (KJV).
Honestly, our son has already been through more than enough with our marital issues to put him “on the couch” for many years to come, without me messing with his head and heart even more by turning my back on my husband, his father, by getting on with my life for selfish reasons no less. I know in my heart of hearts that my amazing husband is going through a transformational process, just as I have, and will soon be home. I am committed until my last breath, if need be, to stand for the healing and restoration of not just our marriage, but of our family as well.
“Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee” Deuteronomy 31:6 (KJV).
What we have been through is akin to a very painful death, grieving must take place. So while it is the death of the destructive aspects of our marriage, it is not the death of our marriage, but the rebirth as new life will emerge from the ashes as our marriage and family slowly, but surely heal and are restored to better than before. Yep, I still do love my husband and take our wedding vows very seriously. Why on earth would I want to be selfish and get on with my life!?!
“The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance” 2 Peter 3:9 (KJV).
Wedding Day, August 6, 1983
First Baptist Church, Winchester, Illinois
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Blessings!
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When a couple goes through marital issues, poor decisions are often made, strike that, poor decisions are always made. While I did not divorce my husband, my crazy-making, in word and deed, led my amazing husband to want to run away from home, far, far away. I get it, yes,…now I get it. We have both apologized to each other and to our precious son, and healing is slowly but surely happening.
“It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house” Proverbs 21:9 (KJV).
Once I let go of my selfish, bitter, revengeful, angry, blaming, prideful,…pity me and poor me attitudes, I was finally able to love my husband in a deeper way, allowing me to see him as a tender, hurting, and severely damaged soul. You see, we fell head over heels in love way back, well I recorded in my journal that I had met the man of my dreams, was in love, and yes, ready to marry my future husband back on January 17th of 1982. It’s seems like just yesterday. I still feel the joy, excitement, and yes, the love.
What’s so difficult when it comes to marital issues is that it always looks like your better half has all the problems. Your emotions get the best of you causing you to begin seeing them as selfish and so, let the games begin. Funny, truth be told, you, yourself, are being selfish.
No, I’m not going to discount your or my spouse’s part to play in all of this nonsense, just pointing out how it wasn’t just my husband, but Moi as well who needed to get my head examined, my eyes check, and my heart cleansed of all selfishness.
“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (KJV).
We absolutely must stay on guard, watching out for those moments when we find ourselves thinking more about ourselves than about the relationship, the marriage. Marriage is about two people coming together, two people who have vowed to forsake all others and to commit to the bond, the unity created before God and family.
“And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand” Matthew 12:25 (KJV).
I can still hear that still small voice whispering in my ear of how a house divided cannot stand. Of course I couldn’t see how I was creating division in our marriage by becoming selfish. What I convinced myself of was how I was doing everything I possibly could to prevent such a division from occurring. I was on a mission, a mission commissioned by God no less. Crazy huh? This is how selfishness works and ultimately how selfishness causes us to lose every single time.
Thank God He does not quit on us. Thank God He is a God who forgives, forgets, heals and restores. I like to say God is a God of second-second chances. And for this I will forever be grateful.
Standing for marriage starts out in an extremely confusing state. Emotions are all over the place, heavy fog a continual companion. And those nearest and dearest can feel the stander’s pain, truly well meant intentions. The human nature in all of us wants nothing more than to end the pain, no matter the cost.
The more I leaned into my relationship with God, the more my emotions settled. And once I made my decision to stand for the healing and restoration of my marriage until my last breath, then and only then did I enter the most calming state of peace, knowing I had made the right decision. Yes, it would be difficult, yes, I would be misunderstood, yes, I would be thought dipsy, but such peace, such amazing peace.
Standing for my marriage has brought me in contact with so many people, Christian as well as non-Christian, offering a mixture of responses when I explain what I am doing and why. At times, what I have said has caused emotions to flare, my not realizing just how much my personal decision, my conviction has touched buried, yet raw nerves concerning their own.
At other times, I have been pulled aside by a person who has chosen to get on with their life, only to have them tell me just how much they regret walking away, wishing they had chosen to stand for their marriage. Sadly, I recall two women whose husbands did return to their marriages. One man’s life was taken by cancer while the other man’s life was taken by suicide. Guilt, remorse, shame,…are cruel and unforgiving taskmasters.
In just about every encounter, the other person has typically taken what I have said about my own situation and applied their own emotions surrounding their own situation. These are the times I have found I must very quickly point out that what I am saying is about my own decision, I am not judging their decisions concerning their lives. Thankfully they just as quickly relax their stance, conviction and condemnation are so closely related and yet so, so very different.
“If a man divorces his wife and she goes from him and becomes another man’s wife, will he return to her? Would not that land be greatly polluted? You have played the whore with many lovers; and would you return to me? declares the Lord.”
~~~Jeremiah 3:1 (ESV)~~~
I find my thoughts returning to our wedding vows spoken with naive yet heartfelt conviction, “…to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, so help me God…” And I know I have made the right decision.
“Wedding Day August 6, 1983”
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“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed” Genesis 2:24-25 (ESV).
Ah, so you have fallen in love and simply cannot live without each other. Wonderful! What a grand celebration the wedding. Before God, family and friends, with glazed over eyes you and the love of your life commit to love, honor, cherish,…’til death do you part. But do you really mean it?
Being married is so much more than just a grand celebration and honeymoon. Being married is a commitment to forsake all others, even self, putting your spouse’s needs at the top of your priority list for the rest of your life. As you exchanged rings, sealing your commitment with a kiss, with God, family and friends as your witnesses, those vows were not a contractual agreement, but thankfully a covenant, a covenant for life.
Contractual agreements are strictly business agreements. These signed documents are a quiet yet loud way of saying we will, if we deem necessary, pursue our legal options against each other. In truth, the bottom line reasoning behind a contractual business agreement is monetary. In bygone days a handshake was sufficient to create a contractual agreement between business partners to indicate our spoken words would be kept. Just as a side note, reading chapter four of the book of Ruth, in order for Boaz to buy all that belonged to Naomi as well as take Ruth as his wife, in front of witnesses the kinsman-redeemer (with first right of refusal) took off his sandal, giving it to Boaz. Unfortunately, a trusted handshake is somehow no longer adequate, any more than the exchanging of sandals.
Sadly, too often our wedding vows have been reduced to nothing more than a contractual agreement with the prenuptial agreement escape clause attached. And, even if there isn’t a premarital agreement, we have reduced our commitment to either the option of staying within the marriage in name only, to seeking the legal escape of filing for divorce. Why? Didn’t we mean what we said? Didn’t we take seriously the responsibility of unconditionally loving our spouse, committing to each other and to God, to keep what’s between us and God between us and God? Didn’t we understand what our vows truly meant?
Not for a second am I saying marriage is easy any more than I would say life is always easy. Whether marriage and life are easy or not, is simply not the point. Truth be told, should your marriage be easy, very likely you and your spouse are missing out on the wonderful opportunities only discovered when the couple navigates through not just the good times, but especially the difficult times of life together. This is what a committed covenant marriage is about and how, over the course of a lifetime, it is created. No other relationship exists which can compare, ever.
While we may not truly grasp the depth of our commitment as we lovingly and naively yet sincerely recite our wedding vows, it is this commitment which allows a deep trust, knowing we will never turn our backs on each other despite the unknown future which most certainly lies ahead. This is what wedding vows are all about and how marital bliss develops. This is the deep peace which can only be discovered by those who truly are committed to loving the most important person in their life, ’til death do we part. This is true love and this is wedded bliss.
Photo Credit: Michelle Statler
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The most rewarding yet most challenging relationship one will ever experience is that of being in a monogamous relationship called marriage, especially being committed for life. Charlyne Steinkamp attests to this in her very down to earth book entitled “The Spiritual Journey Toward A Healed Marriage“. Remember the traditional “…to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part…” Christian wedding vows?
Fortunately yet unfortunately, many of us were so giddy in love as we committed to our spouse and to God, sweetly and assuredly, and naively reciting these vows on our wedding day. Fortunately we really had no idea what lay ahead. And, unfortunately, our vows would be tested.
Sadly, life happens. Sadly, we are tested. Do we have the courage to rise to the challenge? Do we take our vows seriously? Are we really committed, ’til death do us part? What do we do when our spouse chooses to walk away?
Whether a couple goes through difficult times remaining married or whether one or both want to call it quits, doesn’t matter. Marriage, even after divorce, can be restored. Charlyne Steinkamp from Rejoice Marriage Ministries speaks from experience.
In her book entitled “The Spiritual Journey Toward a Healed Marriage” Charlyne Steinkamp so revealingly points out how “The church is not able to be the ‘critical care unit’ for the wounded and broken hearts, because divorce is so rampant in the church”. Sadly, this certainly seems to be the case. Granted there are verses found in scripture which make allowance for divorce. And we seem all too quick to jump to the conclusion that divorce is the only option. But is it really the best solution?
Charlyne and Bob Steinkamp married as any young and in love couple hopefully does, much in love. Unfortunately, after twenty very difficult years of marriage and three young children, Charlyne received pastorial counsel and made the decision to divorce Bob. Fortunately, she very quickly realized she had made a horrible mistake.
Marriages can be restored and marriages can be saved, even after divorce, and it only takes one spouse to recommit to those wedding vows in order to do so. This book can very easily be used as a devotional as it includes scriptural references and suggested prayers, and even an occasional “Bobservation” from her husband to better understand the spouse who wants to call it quits. And most of all Charlyne Steinkamp not only reveals how to heal and restore your marriage not through manipulative tactics, but through your relationship with God.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” Ephesians 5:31-33 (ESV).
Photo Credit: Megapixelstock
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My parents met as a result of Dad carrying out groceries at the local Kroger. I can’t say I really know too many of the details. I do hope to have the opportunity of hearing them tell more about their courtship days. I do know Mother’s mother sold eggs to the grocer and of course Dad just happened to be the young man who carried out my grandmother’s groceries.
Despite another young man threatening to run down my very young future dad with his souped-up pickup truck, he continued to court my very young future mother. Funny thing, this hotheaded young man who boldly made such threats, would later become the husband of one of our all-time favorite high school teachers. And interestingly enough, they did not have children. Knowing all this I have often felt grateful my mother married my dad! How the mind of a child truly works!
I do know my parents were both very young, both straight off the farm, and both wanted nothing more than to return to the farm and to raise a family together. Despite the hardships of the small family farm, they have been able to do just that.
My parents were married in 1959. I am certain they have not spent more than a dozen or so nights apart over the years. Remember the sixties when mothers were expected to recuperate in the hospital after the birth of a baby? Of course now my parents have both had surgeries and other health issues which have required overnight hospital stays. They both have really good attitudes concerning their health.
Just as I tell my wonderful husband from time to time I tell Dad, he too is crotchety! And it’s okay, he enjoys the attention. I realize part of this crotchetiness is due to his upbringing, but I think it is mainly due to the fact he has severe hearing loss.
As a boy of about eight he fell against the door of a root cellar damaging one ear and it seems no one realized the severity of the fall. Certainly working around farm machinery all his life has also negatively affected his ability to hear. We just learned to live with this growing up; the television was always too loud for most of us.
However, the real damage occurred a few years ago when he became violently ill, vomiting incessantly. It seems there had been a major outbreak of mosquitoes and he contracted viral encephalitis, which resulted in total loss of hearing in the opposite ear. I’m certain he has simply adapted to not being able to fully participate in conversations. And I’m certain he wished he could.
Mother on the other hand has diabetes and as a result has been gradually losing her eyesight. This has been a challenge for her as she has always sewed, crocheted, and cooked. And though she can still partially see, I expect the real disappointment, though she can still safely hold them in her arms, is she can’t really, really look into the eyes of her great grandchildren. She so wants photos of us and our families hung in their new home, but…
And now I find myself watching my parents, observing how they are functioning, something I really never did before. They have a very large television. Mother can see blurred images. The volume is up as high as it will go. If Mother misses something, Dad explains what he sees. If Dad misses something, then Mother explains what she hears. This has become their routine and amazingly seems to work for them.
Dad has had to take on a lot of the domestic role which was traditionally Mother’s. Of course he still seeks her counsel on just about everything, as was always the case between them. I have never doubted his grasping the value of having Mother as his partner for life. I can’t help but be concerned for the future, one living without the other.
They have been a team from the moment they pledged their wedding vows. And even though age and health issues are causing their life to become very simplified and extremely routine, they seem happy, contented, and very much still in love. I will forever be grateful for the stability and beautiful example of their unconditional and totally devoted love they share. Dad zips up mother’s jacket. She holds his hand as he guides them out the door. This is what marriage is all about. This is true love.
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