Category: MARRIAGE STANDING

MARRIAGE STANDING

A Devoted Stander’s Affirmation

taylorjamesalbert

Rejoice Marriage Ministries continues to give an untold number of spouses the courage, connection, and biblical foundation to remain faithful and committed to their spouse and their covenant marriage vows. The following affirmation should be an attachment included within the wedding vows and should be reread along with the vows each time difficulties arise within marriage.

I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!

“I will not give up, give in, give out or give over ’til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words… in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad…so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down ’til the breakdown is torn down!

I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous… nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God’s real thing, nor will I seek to lower God’s standard, twist God’s will, rewrite God’s word, violate God’s covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!

In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God’s faithfulness.

I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.

I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up ’til my marriage is healed.”

~Author Unknown~

Image by Thomas Breher from Pixabay

“Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him’,…So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

~~~Genesis 2:18, 21-25 (ESV)~~~

Image by Tú Anh from Pixabay

Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and subscribing to my blog.

Blessings!

This post may contain affiliate links for which I may earn compensation when you click on the links at no additional cost to you.

MARRIAGE STANDING

The Moment of Wholehearted Realization

taylorjamesalbert

“The foremost question on the heart of any prodigal who ever gives thought to returning home is a simple one; ‘What’s different now?’ It does not matter if you are separated because of adultery, abuse, alcoholism, or any of the rest of the alphabet of causes, your spouse wants to know what has changed so that this nightmare will not repeat itself” Bob Steinkamp.

Granted most standing spouses are not to blame for their prodigal leaving the marriage, yet anyone who has chosen to stand for their marriage to be restored does come to the point where they also begin to take responsibility for their part in the marital issues.

While none of us initially realize we have our own issues which must be addressed, Rejoice Marriage Ministries compares the spouse who seemingly has chosen to walk away from their marriage with the parable told by Jesus of the prodigal son.

“And he said, A certain man had two sons: And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living. And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living. And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want. And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him.

And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father’s have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.

Now his elder son was in the field: and as he came and drew nigh to the house, he heard musick and dancing. And he called one of the servants, and asked what these things meant. And he said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf, because he hath received him safe and sound. And he was angry, and would not go in: therefore came his father out, and intreated him. And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends: But as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf. And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine. It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.”

~~~Luke 15:11-32 (KJV)~~~

Image by Sr. Maria-Magdalena R. from Pixabay

Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and subscribing to my blog.

Blessings!

This post may contain affiliate links for which I may earn compensation when you click on the links at no additional cost to you.

MARRIAGE STANDING

Moving On With My Life, NOT!

taylorjamesalbert

“We’ll all get over our divorce” is such a well intended yet foolish statement made by a person who either doesn’t really have a clue about the devastations of divorce, doesn’t really care about the devastations of divorce, or wants to merely pretend to themselves and those closest to them, especially the children (no matter the ages) involved that divorce has no destructive repercussions. Have you honestly stopped to take a good look ALL around you!?!

How I wish I had a dollar for every time someone has said to me that I just needed to get on with my life. I especially remember hearing this early on and wondering just what it was they were telling me to move on from. Crazy as it sounded then and still does, those who had my best interest at heart were trying to introduce me to someone nice, someone good looking, someone wealthy, someone whatever,…Often this was done all the while vehemently listing all my husband’s narcissistic tendencies, why he could not be trusted ever again, how he was incapable of changing, how he isn’t deserving of me,…even how my being revengeful is justified. Don’t think so. And yes, change happens all the time and can be a good thing, a very good thing.

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new” 2 Corinthians 5:17 (KJV).

Honestly, our son has already been through more than enough with our marital issues to put him “on the couch” for many years to come, without me messing with his head and heart even more by turning my back on my husband, his father, by getting on with my life for selfish reasons no less. I know in my heart of hearts that my amazing husband is going through a transformational process, just as I have, and will soon be home. I am committed until my last breath, if need be, to stand for the healing and restoration of not just our marriage, but of our family as well.

“Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee” Deuteronomy 31:6 (KJV).

What we have been through is akin to a very painful death, grieving must take place. So while it is the death of the destructive aspects of our marriage, it is not the death of our marriage, but the rebirth as new life will emerge from the ashes as our marriage and family slowly, but surely heal and are restored to better than before. Yep, I still do love my husband and take our wedding vows very seriously. Why on earth would I want to be selfish and get on with my life!?!

“The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance” 2 Peter 3:9 (KJV).

Wedding Day, August 6, 1983

First Baptist Church, Winchester, Illinois

Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and subscribing to my blog.

Blessings!

This post may contain affiliate links for which I may earn compensation when you click on the links at no additional cost to you.

MARRIAGE STANDING

Selfish, Emotional, Nonsensical Crazy-Making, Yep! It Surprised Me, Too!

taylorjamesalbert

When a couple goes through marital issues, poor decisions are often made, strike that, poor decisions are always made. While I did not divorce my husband, my crazy-making, in word and deed, led my amazing husband to want to run away from home, far, far away. I get it, yes,…now I get it. We have both apologized to each other and to our precious son, and healing is slowly but surely happening.

“It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house” Proverbs 21:9 (KJV).

Once I let go of my selfish, bitter, revengeful, angry, blaming, prideful,…pity me and poor me attitudes, I was finally able to love my husband in a deeper way, allowing me to see him as a tender, hurting, and severely damaged soul. You see, we fell head over heels in love way back, well I recorded in my journal that I had met the man of my dreams, was in love, and yes, ready to marry my future husband back on January 17th of 1982. It’s seems like just yesterday. I still feel the joy, excitement, and yes, the love.

What’s so difficult when it comes to marital issues is that it always looks like your better half has all the problems. Your emotions get the best of you causing you to begin seeing them as selfish and so, let the games begin. Funny, truth be told, you, yourself, are being selfish.

No, I’m not going to discount your or my spouse’s part to play in all of this nonsense, just pointing out how it wasn’t just my husband, but Moi as well who needed to get my head examined, my eyes check, and my heart cleansed of all selfishness.

“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (KJV).

We absolutely must stay on guard, watching out for those moments when we find ourselves thinking more about ourselves than about the relationship, the marriage. Marriage is about two people coming together, two people who have vowed to forsake all others and to commit to the bond, the unity created before God and family.

“And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand” Matthew 12:25 (KJV).

I can still hear that still small voice whispering in my ear of how a house divided cannot stand. Of course I couldn’t see how I was creating division in our marriage by becoming selfish. What I convinced myself of was how I was doing everything I possibly could to prevent such a division from occurring. I was on a mission, a mission commissioned by God no less. Crazy huh? This is how selfishness works and ultimately how selfishness causes us to lose every single time.

Thank God He does not quit on us. Thank God He is a God who forgives, forgets, heals and restores. I like to say God is a God of second-second chances. And for this I will forever be grateful.

Image by Josch13 from Pixabay

Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and subscribing to my blog.

Blessings!

MARRIAGE STANDING

Ground Rules in Marriage

taylorjamesalbert

Listening to “Conversations With John & Lisa Bevere” as they discuss the topic of “Building a Marriage That Lasts (part 1)”, is well suited for any couple who desires to have a loving, fulfilling, enriching,… and long-term relationship. This particular podcast includes John & Lisa answering questions concerning such topics as prenuptial agreements and who should lead and when.

Standing for marriage as I am honored and blessed by God to be called to do, I have come to realize just how much finger pointing I was guilty of and how often I should have been pointing my finger at myself and not at my wonderful husband. For this I have and will continue to ask forgiveness.

“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?”

~~~Matthew 7:3 (KJV)~~~

“…marriage is precious to God. He is the one that authored it. And He said He is the author and finisher of our faith. Don’t give up because nothing is impossible with God. I don’t care how hopeless your situation seems, through prayer, through crying out to God, through reading His Word, anything, anything can be mended and not only mended, but made stronger than it’s ever been before” John Bevere.

Image by Vicki Nunn from Pixabay

Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and subscribing to my blog.

Blessings!

This post may contain affiliate links for which I may earn compensation when you click on the links at no additional cost to you.

MARRIAGE STANDING

Unconditional Love Changes Everything

taylorjamesalbert

Ultimately, just as the stander learns, the returning prodigal spouse comes to realize just what unconditional love is truly all about. Bob Steinkamp of Rejoice Marriage Ministries wrote of his attempts to “push her buttons”, that of his standing wife, Charlyne, in an attempt to provoke her to lash out at him. Was she really changing her ways? Or were these changes in her character simply more of her manipulative methods that Bob could use to justify his own selfish behaviors. In reality he was testing the waters to see if Charlyne truly had had the heart change he was beginning to notice.

To better understand a spouse who leaves the marriage, it has become common to compare them with the story of the prodigal son found in Luke 15:11-24 (GNV):

“He said moreover, A certain man had two sons, And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of the goods that falleth to me. So he divided unto them his substance. So not many days after, when the younger son had gathered all together, he took his journey into a far country, and there he wasted his goods with riotous living.

Now when he had spent all, there arose a great dearth throughout that land, and he began to be in necessity. Then he went and clave to a citizen of that country, and he sent him to his farm, to feed swine. And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine ate: but no man gave them him.

Then he came to himself, and said, How many hired servants at my father’s have bread enough, and I die for hunger? I will rise and go to my father, and say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thine hired servants.

So he arose and came to his father, and when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.

Then the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet, And bring the fat calf, and kill him, and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again: and he was lost, but he is found. And they began to be merry.”

If I remember correctly it was also Bob who spoke of the “Three C’s” of transformation evident in a prodigal spouse as they make their way back home. He explained the “Three C’s” of transformation were first that of being critical, followed by curious, and lastly that of being convicted.

Interestingly enough, the stander must first experience their own heartfelt and transformative stages as well. This is how unconditional love opens the door, welcoming home the prodigal spouse. This is how unconditional love changes everything.

Image by Jonathan Ramos from Pixabay 

Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and subscribing to my blog.

Blessings!

MARRIAGE STANDING

I Stand Committed ‘Til Death Do We Part

taylorjamesalbert

Standing for marriage starts out in an extremely confusing state. Emotions are all over the place, heavy fog a continual companion. And those nearest and dearest can feel the stander’s pain, truly well meant intentions. The human nature in all of us wants nothing more than to end the pain, no matter the cost.

The more I leaned into my relationship with God, the more my emotions settled. And once I made my decision to stand for the healing and restoration of my marriage until my last breath, then and only then did I enter the most calming state of peace, knowing I had made the right decision. Yes, it would be difficult, yes, I would be misunderstood, yes, I would be thought dipsy, but such peace, such amazing peace.

Standing for my marriage has brought me in contact with so many people, Christian as well as non-Christian, offering a mixture of responses when I explain what I am doing and why. At times, what I have said has caused emotions to flare, my not realizing just how much my personal decision, my conviction has touched buried, yet raw nerves concerning their own.

At other times, I have been pulled aside by a person who has chosen to get on with their life, only to have them tell me just how much they regret walking away, wishing they had chosen to stand for their marriage. Sadly, I recall two women whose husbands did return to their marriages. One man’s life was taken by cancer while the other man’s life was taken by suicide. Guilt, remorse, shame,…are cruel and unforgiving taskmasters.

In just about every encounter, the other person has typically taken what I have said about my own situation and applied their own emotions surrounding their own situation. These are the times I have found I must very quickly point out that what I am saying is about my own decision, I am not judging their decisions concerning their lives. Thankfully they just as quickly relax their stance, conviction and condemnation are so closely related and yet so, so very different.

“If a man divorces his wife
    and she goes from him
and becomes another man’s wife,
    will he return to her?
Would not that land be greatly polluted?
You have played the whore with many lovers;
    and would you return to me?
declares the Lord.”

~~~Jeremiah 3:1 (ESV)~~~

I find my thoughts returning to our wedding vows spoken with naive yet heartfelt conviction, “…to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, so help me God…” And I know I have made the right decision.

“Wedding Day August 6, 1983”

Hope you have enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and subscribing to my blog.

Blessings!

MARRIAGE STANDING

Why I Am Standing For My Marriage

taylorjamesalbert

Despite all the ups and downs of marriage, family and life, I have always felt so secure, trusting my husband then as I still do now. It was such a shock when he seemingly and simply just walked away from our marriage and family. I spent months and months, and months in a daze.

 I was working in the Deans Office at the university. We were only weeks away from our wedding date. An older woman working with me suggested I have a secret financial nest egg, should the need arise. I remember thinking, I don’t think so. My mother and my grandmothers had not done so, and neither would I. Besides, this young man who held my heart, was simply not the type.

While, at the time of my husband’s leaving, I had not heard about standing for marriage, I just knew I needed to remain committed to our marriage and family. I had no idea the process or the time frame. My brother-in-law asked me if I really thought my husband would come home. I responded most definitely, but it would take time.

As children we tend to wish to quickly grow up, to be unaware of all that is required in order to develop into a responsible adult with solid character traits. We innocently count the days until Christmas as if pushing time were possible. Time becomes an issue to us. God doesn’t require time, yet with our impatience we tend to think time is the problem, never realizing it is us and not God, slowing the process.

Whenever a couple has marital issues, one spouse tends to selfishly believe the other spouse is the problem. The other spouse is the one who needs fixing. We simply cannot see our need to change. We pridefully tend to think we have God’s permission to manipulate our spouse, never considering how we too, are not as we should be. It’s not about getting even, revenge, fixing them or proving I’m right and you are wrong.

We simply cannot see how God wants to work on us first, cleansing our hearts of all selfish nonsense. Standing is not about fixing your spouse. Standing is first and foremost about an intimate, up close and personal relationship with God. It is then and only then, as we come to realize just how much love, grace, and forgiveness He has for us, that we too, can offer our better half the same love, grace, and forgiveness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again” Matthew 7:1-2 (KJV).

“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye” Matthew 7:3-5 (KJV).

Family Photos: “Mr & Mrs”

Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and subscribing to my blog. Blessings! Taylor

MARRIAGE STANDING

Confusion: Hating Your Spouse…Not!

taylorjamesalbert

Standing for marriage can often be a very misunderstood concept, especially by those closest to the stander,…and especially by the stander’s wayward spouse. Take heart. It’s okay.

“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

~~~Malachi 2:16 (ESV)~~~

Bob Steinkamp knew first hand what it meant to be considered a wayward or prodigal spouse. After years of marriage cloud covered by Bob’s unfaithfulness, camouflaged by his anger, Charlyne took counsel and divorced her husband and father of their three children. Only by the grace of God did she very quickly come to repent of her mistake. Yes, mistake.

“…with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

~~~Ephesians 4:2-3 (ESV)~~~

Rejoice Marriage Ministries was birthed from Bob & Charlyne’s marital chaos which thankfully resulted in their remarrying and rediscovering what marriage is truly all about.

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.”

~~~1 Corinthians 13:4-6 (ESV)~~~

Image by ErikaWittlieb from Pixabay

Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and subscribing to my blog. Blessings!

MARRIAGE STANDING

The Lonely Stander’s Heartache

taylorjamesalbert

While standing for marriage is not new, it is a somewhat misunderstood and often very lonely experience. Having discovered Rejoice Marriage Ministries brought like-minded men and women into my life, if only from afar. While returned prodigal, Bob Steinkamp, has been in Heaven now for several years, Charlyne Steinkamp and family faithfully continue on with the ministry which God forged from their own marital issues and eventual restoration.

Bob Steinkamp wrote a fictional Christmas story about standing for marriage which allows us to see inside not only the stander’s heart, but the prodigal’s as well. While my heart is warmed each time I reread “Millie’s Christmas”, I no longer find my heart aching as it once did, largely due in part to Rejoice Marriage Ministries. With much appreciation to Rejoice Marriage Ministries and their generously allowing me to share, please take a moment to read this light yet heartwarming story of a prodigal spouse’s holiday homecoming.

“Empty & Alone” by Deb E

Hope you enjoyed reading this post and will consider sharing your thoughts, following me on social media and subscribing to my blog.